American tourist #1: What's your background?
Tourist guide: Aboriginal.
American tourist #1: No, as in “where were you born?”
Tourist guide: Here, in Australia.
American tourist #1: But you're black!
Tourist guide: Yes… I'm aboriginal.
American tourist #1: But I thought you guys were all extinct! Are you, like, the last one?
American tourist #2: Jay, shut up. It's idiots like you that make us look stupid. He's messing with you, there are no aboriginals.
Adelaide, Australia
Drunk black gangster guy, on Tel Aviv centennial celebration: I am Moses! I am Moses!
(traffic light changes, he throws arms up in air) Israelis, you may now walk!
Tel Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: E-lad
Heavy guy looking at atlas: What’s a ‘labia’?
Son: One of those Eastern European countries.
Barnes & Noble
Peoria, Illinois
Girl: You know, I'm usually a very wise person. Recently, with my situation, I lost a lot of my wiseness, but this trip has brought back that wiseness.
Boy: So, your wiseness never informed you it was called “wisdom”?
Girl: I hate you.
Banora Point High School
Australia
Middle-aged woman with dog: Oh, she peed on my foot. That's your pee. That's your love juice. Did you put your love juice on me? You gave me your love juice.
Woman's friend: It's on your shirt now.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, she pissed on my shirt? It's okay, it's just love juice. Come here, stinks. Come here, stinky. It's just pee. Come, gimme kisses, stink-stink.
Woman's friend: Here, maybe you should let me hold her.
Middle-aged woman, hissing: Get away from my stinky! She gave me her love juice, not you.
Starbucks
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Pips
Professor, exasperated: Don't you guys know anything about education in Sweden? Or anything about Sweden at all?
Physical education major: Yeah, that's where we get those Swiss Army knives.
Education Class
Ohio State University
Overheard by: i can't believe these people are going to be teachers…
Guy: I wonder if any of these bombs are still functional. That way, we know where to go for supplies in the zombie apocalypse.
Girl: What? You idiot, you don't use nuclear power against zombies! They're already dead, so they can't get cancer and die! You would just wind up with a bunch of radioactive zombies!
Guy #2: Yeah, then it's just like Spiderman, but with radioactive zombies instead of Tobey Maguire and spiders!
Atomic Power Museum
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Amred
Professor: Now, if we did eliminate illness and achieved immortality there might be serious religious repercussions. Can anyone think of how this might affect religious beliefs?
Bimbette: Well, like, if Hitler were immortal, he would, like, go to jail for, like, a million years and then, like, chill out for eternity, you know?
Eternal Youth and Immortality Seminar
Lafayette College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: knows that Hitler would still be dead because he SHOT himself
Dude: So, what is this? Like, an energy drink, too?
Barista: Nah, it’s just a soda.
Dude: Hmmm, white grape juice, filtered carbonated water… It does have like 22 grams of sugar, but I guess it’s like natural sugar, so it’s not so bad, right?
Barista: I don’t know, it might kill ya!
Dude: Yeah, but I think that things that kill you make you smarter.
Jersey City, New Jersey
