Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!


Overheard by: kib

High school girl, looking at seagulls feeding: That ain't crows, them are ducks!

Overheard by: Yugan

Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night — I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you’re high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don’t like birds.
Guy #3: I’d be a pterodactyl, dude.

Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.


Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts… from different chickens.

Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.

Brunette: Hold up — I just want to grab some turkey.
Redhead: Why?
Brunette: … So I can make a turkey sandwich?
Redhead: Yeah, I know, but we have chicken back home.
Brunette: Uh-huhhh — and I want a turkey sandwich.
Redhead: It’s the same thing.
Brunette: No. No, it’s not.
Redhead: Alright, then what’s the difference?
Brunette: … One’s a fucking turkey.

Long Island Super Market
Long Island, New York

30-something woman on cell: Yeah, the crow was annoying, but at least it wasn't masturbating.

Framingham, Massachusetts

Guy on cell: And I was crouched down lookin' up at her, and all of a sudden this teal duck shot out her ass! Pass me them field peas.


Overheard by: 2 tables over

Grad student trying to impress a date: Pigeon shit is the most toxic bird poop.
Date: How do you know that?!

Overheard by: squirrely mcsquirrel

Hobo, sitting next to guys on bench: And then my guys, damn birds! (mutters incoherently) Everywhere! Fucking pigeons! They eat and shit and live and shit. (mutters incoherently) Cats, and mind control, that's what we need…
(hobo gets up and rolls down the street)
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: I think he's my hero.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania