Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.
San Diego, California
Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.
San Diego, California
Teen #1: And we can decorate it!
Teen #2: With glitter and sparkles?
Teen #1: Gawd, you are like a deprived five-year-old.
Fullerton, California
Overheard by: Does glitter make you younger?
Single 30-something woman to friend, as random guy rides by on bike: I would so ride off with him and do anything he wants…unless he's totally into dungeons and shit.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Steve
(two hipsters stare quizzically at short Chinese-American male)
Chinese-American male: No, what's confusing is I'm becoming Mormon and having a sex change.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Obnoxious student in scarf: He was chewing the umbilical cord like licorice.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Organic chemistry professor: Let me show you guys what I like to do in my office, in private.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Teen girl #1: Are you going to see that movie about Kurt Cobain? The actor that plays him is supposed to be good!
Teen girl #2: Why would they make a movie about him if someone else was playing him? Can't they just wait until he dies and then make one?
Teen girl #1: He is dead.
Los Angeles, California
Girl talking to two people about to take a nap: I'm going to colonize your bodies when you sleep.
Dorm, UCSC
California
Overheard by: Derrick
Ranting professor: Say you're on a date, and your waiter places a bag of saltine crackers in front of you.
(students are puzzled)
Ranting professor: So, you're happy to have these crackers. But your date says to you: “Don't you see the filet mignon or the lobster?” But you can't see them! So you eat the crackers, and then you die. Then I go to your funeral.
Moorpark College
Moorpark, California
Overheard by: Amanduh
Customer looking up at menu board: Umm, I'll have the “German chock a lotta cock.”
(girl scooping ice cream looks horrified)
Customer, now pointing: The “German chock a lotta cock.” It's right there.
Ice cream girl: It's pronounced “German chocolate cake.”
Cold Stone Creamery
Fountain Valley, California
Overheard by: RL
