Colleges & Universities

Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.

Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too–he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.

Law School
Canadia

Overheard by: Law student

So I Hooked Up With His Friend

Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on “dating probation” and now I'm on “girlfriend probation.” His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like “what, you haven't made her official yet?” so he's like, “you have my friend to thank for this.”

UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation

But I Still Adore Rosie Perez

College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

As I Proved Conclusively in My Doctoral Thesis

Professor, looking at picture of optical illusion: Here…we have…a bunch of lines.

Northwestern Univeristy
Chicago, Illinois

Genetic Engineering Has a Long Way to Go

Preppy freshman chick leaving dining hall: So, life decision for today: I want to become a Gummi Bear!

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: Anna Deaton

If Our Disastrous Trip to Thailand Was Any Indication

Frizzy-haired college girl: Are you seriously asking me to to sell myself so you can hitchhike to Sicily?
Friend #1: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
Friend #2: Yeah. Like first of all, no one in Italy would want to pay for you.

UC Davis
Davis, California

Overheard by: Passing Student

…So We Had to Tend to It.

Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina…

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Or You'll Spill Your Wine

Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!

Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana

Overheard by: whitney

… That Was before Her Head Spun Around

Chick #1: She looks kind of…
Chick #2: Satanic?
Chick #1: I was going to say Ukrainian, but…

Allegheny College
Pennsylvania

Why Does Everyone Keep Telling Me That?

Guy with soul patch: Don't German people always drive at 200 miles an hour all the time?
Girl in front row, sarcastically: I think you mean 200 kilometers per hour.
Guy with soul patch: It doesn't matter, they're the same thing!
Professor, calmly: If I go crazy and start a killing spree, you'll be the first one I get.

George Washington University
Washington, DC

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