…Just Eat More Popcorn and You'll Be Fine

Guy #1: Dude, I wonder how Orville Redenbacher is still in all those commercials when he's been dead for, like, a bazillion years?
Guy #2: Maybe he's a zombie.
Guy #1: Or a robot.
Guy #3: Or a zombie robot.
Guy #1: Seriously, dude. I think you've been reading too much sci-fi.

Bellingham, Washington

Posted on February 6, 2018
About celebrities, Books, Death & dying, Guys, Questions, Washington, Zombies

Got Any Bacon Chocolate?

Woman looking at chocolate display case: I don't want any of those. Those aren't death-on-a-stick enough.

Coco Flow
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Reiza

Posted on October 27, 2017
Compare and contrast, Death & dying, Oklahoma, Wishes, Women

Then My Crush Only Increased.

Ten-year old girl #1: He was pretty cute.
Ten-year old girl #2: I know! I had the biggest crush on him in third grade… until he died.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Overheard by: Wait. What?

Posted on August 14, 2017
Death & dying, Feelings, Kids, New Mexico

But If I Had to Make a Guess It Would Be “Pussy and Blow”

Professor: What did our founding fathers want? Who cares? They’re dead.

Oberlin, Ohio

Overheard by: Secret Spy

Posted on July 1, 2017
Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Default, Education, History, Ohio, Teachers, Wishes

I See Rich People

Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money… (whispering) Ghost money!

Graveyard
Cork
Ireland

Posted on February 28, 2017
Death & dying, Ireland, Magic, Money, Should have used a condom

You're Gonna Make Somebody an Annoying Little Wife, Harry

Roommate #1, watching Celtics playoff game: Is this the final four?
Roommate #2: No.
Roommate #1: Wait, when's March Madness?
Roommate #2: Are you fucking kidding me? Die.

UMass Dartmouth, Birch Hall
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on December 22, 2016
Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Default, Massachusetts, Names, Questions, Students

Really Into Suffering, Are They?

Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.

Kansas

Posted on December 17, 2016
Death & dying, Family ties, Kansas, Religion, Women

The Fine Print on the U.S. Constitution

Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you’re poor!

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: there goes my plan

Posted on December 2, 2016
Advice, Canadia, Crimes, Death & dying, Default, Murder, Stupidity, Women

A Bright, White Light, on the Other Hand…

Gamer dude: … and the game comes with like, real guns.
Wannabe goth chick: They’re actual guns?
Gamer dude: Well like, real models. And it comes with this mirror that lets you see yourself and like, shows what you look like if you get shot in the face.
Wannabe goth chick: That’s nice. That’s not something you would normally get to see if you got shot in the face.

UAB
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Kitty-Jack

Posted on July 6, 2016
Alabama, Chicks, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Death & dying, Games, Goths, Guys, Violence

Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer

Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?

Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: Alex Ello

Posted on June 16, 2016
Death & dying, Family ties, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Maryland, Moms, Parenting, Poop, Stupidity

Death & dying