Death & dying

Ditzy teen girl to ditzy friend: Oh my god! I would never be able to live with myself if I died before I lost my virginity!

High School

Guy: Death is a lot like life.
Girl: So I’ve heard.

Beloit, Wisconsin

Overheard by: I heard that too

Neighbor, talking about busy husband: Yeah, he may take Monday off just to decompose.

Burke, Virginia

Overheard by: Jimmy C

Old man #1: Oh my god! You’re still alive?!
Old man #2: Well, yeah, ya old fuck!

Hoboken, New Jersey

Overheard by: Wendy GK

Woman on the street: In the past 24 hours someone a shoved a dead bird in the grill of my truck!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Friend #1: God! Old people get so pissy when they don’t get their obituaries on time.
Friend #2: Why?
Friend #1: Because they want to know which of their friends has died that week.
Friend #2: Oh, so it’s like Facebook for the elderly!

Memorial Hospital
Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Dani

Tall skinny guy: Did you know that three out of every four deaths on roller coasters are girls? It’s because they’re so small and aerodynamic.

Six Flags
Valencia, California

Old lady: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?

Assisted living center

40‐something driver to friend: So I saw some interesting roadkill the other day…

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Another chupacabra?

Creepy guy with shriveled arm: Nah, I haven’t used in a couple months. But if I wanted to start again, I got a savings account now.

5 Bus
San Diego, California

Overheard by: mhd