I Can Only Answer Questions Like “Tubey or Not Tubey?”

Young girl: So what do you think I should do?
Girlfriend: I spent most of last night eating cheese out of a tube. I really don't think I'm the best person to ask for advice about your love life.

London
England

Overheard by: LondonCoffee

Posted on March 10, 2020
Compare and contrast, England, Feelings, Food, Girls, Questions

Guess Which One Grew Up with Maids

Girl #1: So, yeah, I was just going to set the hoover to suck, and use that.
Girl #2: Do hoovers suck?

Oxford
England

Posted on February 2, 2020
Cleanliness, England, Gadgets, Girls, Questions, Stupidity

You Won't Feel a Thing, I Promise

Long-nosed cute blond girl: So you're basically offering to fuck me in the arse?
Drunk guy: Not in the arse per se, but I can't guarantee that I won't get the wrong hole and just go for it.
Long-nosed cute blond girl: You do know we just met five minutes ago?
Drunk guy: What can I say? I work fast.

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on December 18, 2019
Ass, Backdoor, Drunks, England, Girls, Offers and requests, Philosophy

The New Oxyclean Commercials Aren't for Everyone

Young man on cell: So there's someone cleaning their floor with the blood of one of their relatives, and it's like…a bit much, you know?

Bus, Denmark Hill
London
England

Overheard by: trying not to turn around

Posted on December 11, 2019
Bus, Cleanliness, England, Family ties, Guys, Health & Hygiene, On the phone

Ten Bucks Says She's Fucking Other Guys on It.

Shaven-headed guy #1, while pissing: So she says to me, “can you take out the rubbish?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you change the cat litter?” I said no. Then she asked me, “can you fix the back door..?”
Shaven-headed guy #2, while pissing: And you said no?
Shaven-headed guy #1: Yeah. Anyway, so for Valentine's Day she gets me a ping pong table. I didn't get her anything. And now I won't let her use the ping pong table.
Shaven-headed guy #2: You're the fucking man, mate!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on October 24, 2019
England, Gifts, Guys, Offers and requests, Relationships

Mr. Bradshaw Sometimes Needs Help with the Basics

Loud guy on cell: Terry! Terry! Listen to me! Use that shampoo! And the conditioner! Get your hair the same way it was last week! (pause) Okay, see you there. Bye.

Oxford Street
London
England

Posted on October 16, 2019
Advice, Bathing, Cleanliness, England, Guys, Hair, On the phone

Yeah, So Anyway, I'm in This Hobo's Bed, So I've Gotta Go

(girl sits down on curb to talk on her phone)
Hobo: Excuse me, but that's where I sleep.
Couple walking by: It is, he was there first.

London
England

Posted on September 13, 2019
Couples, Default, England, Hobos, Offers and requests

We Fear for Our Submitter's Health

Very drunk 20-something guy: Honestly, I get a pulse in my dick when I talk to you. I'm going to fuck you tonight.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman: Oh yeah?
Very drunk 20-something guy: I'm so hard right now… Have a feel.
Rough-looking chain smoking 50-something woman, grabbing hold of his crotch: You're totally flaccid.
(very drunk 20-something bursts into hysterical laughter)

Nightclub
Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep