Family ties

(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn’t want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!

Longview, Washington

Overheard by: CaerBear

Guy: So it’s her mom, her mom’s boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn’t gay.

Corpus Christi, Texas

Overheard by: it already is.

Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey’s whompin’ glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She’s just tryin’ to make you look pretty!

Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Natalie

Woman with four kids in front of a bondage window display: See that? That’s what I want to do to your dad, get him all tied up and just whip the shit out of him!

The Crypt
Denver, Colorado

Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn’t a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.

Galleria
White Plains, New York

Overheard by: annoying blonde girl

Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can’t talk right now, I’m surrounded by FBI agents, but I’ve got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don’t know, they’re all beautiful women.

B Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Girl#1: I mean, my parents have no money now. Dad lost it in his “snort” phase.
Girl#2: My mom had that phase, but now she’s just into the “prescription” phase.
Girl#3: That’s a great phase.

Banana Republic
Kitchener
Canada

Guy: I learned something… What did I learn? I learned that my son is a fatty.

Chick-fil-A
Marietta, Georgia

Teen girl #1: Your dad could be a plumber because of his moustache.
Teen girl #2: My dad doesn’t have a moustache.
Teen girl #1: Well I wish he did.
Teen girl #2: Too bad, bitch!

North Bay
Ontario
Canadia

Blonde: I wish I was a dad. It would be so funny!

Wellington
New Zealand

Overheard by: Sars