Guy walking opposite traffic on a one-way street: If I get hit by another car my mom will be pissed.
Clemson, South Carolina
Guy walking opposite traffic on a one-way street: If I get hit by another car my mom will be pissed.
Clemson, South Carolina
Customer (ordering a birthday cake for his wife): Can you put “You’re better lookin’ than your twin sister” on it?
Alpine Bakery
Concord, California
Teenager #1: My parents would never let me wear that out of the house.
Teenager #2: My dad’s a freak. He likes to see me half-naked.
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
College girl #1: If I’m pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn’t a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn’t want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!
Longview, Washington
Overheard by: CaerBear
Guy: So it’s her mom, her mom’s boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn’t gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey’s whompin’ glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She’s just tryin’ to make you look pretty!
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Woman with four kids in front of a bondage window display: See that? That’s what I want to do to your dad, get him all tied up and just whip the shit out of him!
The Crypt
Denver, Colorado
Young thug #1: Your momma is a rat.
Young thug #2: At least she isn’t a hood rat like your momma.
Young thug #1: Well at least everyone who is with my momma has a good time. I should know, I hear it.
Galleria
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: annoying blonde girl
Drunk guy on cell: Dad, I can’t talk right now, I’m surrounded by FBI agents, but I’ve got your $100, your beer, and your marijuana. Oh, and your toilet paper. [Pause.] No, dad, FBI agents. [Pause.] I don’t know, they’re all beautiful women.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
