Florida

Perhaps It’s Time to Repair the Hole in Our Shared Wall

Girl: So, felching is when I rim you, right?
Guy: Something like that.
Girl: Is it like a frumpie? I think I’m more comfortable getting fucked in the ass by a girl than a guy. I mean, it’s like the oral thing — I’d rather lick a pussy while you fuck me than suck a dick.
Guy: Alright.
Girl: I can’t believe your neighbor knocked on your door to shut us up! That was too funny.
Guy: She’s British. She doesn’t really understand rough sex, just tea and finding her husband in her thongs.

Hop’s Grill and Bar
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: just trying to eat dinner without hearing the word ‘frumpie’

Happens to Everyone at Some Point

Woman on cell: So, wait, let me get this right: you’re saying that he wrote a book about his boat and then mailed it to himself at the wrong address?

Marathon, Florida

Overheard by: Chey

I Forget by Whom

72-year-old lady: The last time I was carded buying alcohol I was 35 and pregnant.

Kohl’s
Dunedin, Florida

Dude, You Gotta Be Pretty High before That Happens

Scholar: So, at what elevation do deer turn into elk?

Gateway High School
Florida

Overheard by: Pilbur

Which Has Changed Nothing Except the Smell

Hoochie: That’s why I made my New Year’s resolution not to vomit so much when I’m drunk. Now I do it when I’m sober.

University of Central Florida
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Petty

Crime Really Doesn't Pay

Black guy on side of street to car passing slowly in traffic: Yo, I see you, don' need to roll ya window up, it's just a Honda, only get three stacks for it at the chop shop. (to friends) Shit, I get in the car and have you drive to the ATM machine, pop ya in the face, get ya pin number, withdraw $500. Receipt comes out 'insufficient funds'. Now I got to kill you.

Miami, Florida

…Whilst I Watch, Eating This Popcorn.

Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Hazzenkockle

…I Don't Have Enough Energy to Go Look It Up.

Mother: Honey, you're not lazy.
Four-year-old son: Yes, I am!
Father, smiling: No, you're not.
Four-year-old son: I am! I am lazy! What does “lazy” mean?

Coral Gables, Miami

How to Enjoy Epcot: Explained

Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.

Epcot
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Maddie

Raise Your Hand If You Don't See the Problem

Agriculture student #1: So she starts screaming and I just knew, so I said, “did you search for “hot dog” without using the safety search?”
Agriculture student #2: Oh, no, hot dog without a fig leaf?
Agriculture student #1: Yeah! And you know how she is, so she starts screaming and freaking out. But it wasn't even a human, it was a dog…

University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

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