Guy: If you had to suck a bag of dicks, would you want them to be hard or soft?
Girl: Soft! So I can fit them all in my mouth.
Guy: Well, I'd rather have them erect.
Girl: Oh! Uh. Why?
Guy: Cause there'd be less dicks in the bag.
Girl: What?! Why didn't I think of that?! Now I just sound like a whore!
Guy: You are.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Man: What do you want for Christmas?
Chubby boy: Meatloaf.
Brownstone Diner
Jersey City, New Jersey
20-something man on cell: I've got women. I started my own religion. I don't give a shit if hipsters don't think I'm cool. (pause) I know in my heart I'm a fucking genius. If I died tonight, there would be a massive white trash orgasm. (pause) If you're so bad, your soul goes into a wax museum. We should make our own rap music. We'll be so good they'll put us in a mausoleum, like Stalin.
Norman, Oklahoma
Kid-faced guy in suit on cell: Yeah, and then those malicious evildoers told me I shouldn't be there. (pause) They were the minions of the Antichrist. (pause) I'm serious, dammit!
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Carrie
Guy #1: So I sent her a picture of my junk.
Guy #2: Right.
Guy #1: Problem solved.
Sandusky, Ohio
Tourist: Wait, so you can't smoke cigarettes, but you can smoke pot?
Local guy: Welcome to California!
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Arielle
Guy #1: These glasses hurt my eyes.
Guy #2: But there aren't even any lenses in them!
St. Peter's College
New Jersey
Man #1: Are you having fun?
Man #2: Yeah. Are you having fun?
Man #1: Yeah.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: 'Cause this is the most sober we're going to be all night.
Epcot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Maddie
Man #1: You don't watch it?
Man #2: It's beneath me.
Man #3, under his breath: Jersey Shore is a good fucking show!
AMC Theatres
Toronto
Canadia
