Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!
Naperville, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
Girl #1: How come the pigeons don’t die when they hop on that third rail?
Girl #2: Because they’re Dick Cheney’s unholy army of the night.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I’m glad I couldn’t vote back then
Guy on cell: My rocket scientist shows up, she's drunk! But she's capable.
Cafe
Champaign, Illinois
(women's restroom, a man in a Santa suit enters)
Drunk woman: Hey, you're not a boy!
Restroom attendant: You mean he's not a girl.
Drunk woman: Yeah, you're not a girl!
Drunk Santa: Ho ho ho, ladies! I just wanted to see what you wanted for Christmas!
Drunk woman: Huh?
Restroom attendant: I want money, haha!
Drunk Santa: Then cross your labia, ladies, and merry Christmas!
(he leaves)
Drunk woman: Wait, what?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Elizabeth
16-year-old: There are 24 letters in the alphabet, right?
Teacher: I quit.
Bradley, Illinois
Overheard by: A Horrified Student
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
Intellectual girl: Ugh, water and chocolate do not mix.
Bimbette hipster: Yeah, and neither do hot dogs!
Danville Area Community College
Danville, Illinois
Overheard by: Can’t hear this anywhere else but Danville
College girl: I may have made the best porn movie ever, but I’m not going to show it to my mom.
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Anatomy professor: There's a little bit of failure in everyone.
Western Illinois University
Overheard by: Pixie
