Illinois

That's Not Quite a Haiku, Eric.

Guy: My favorite thing about Halle Berry is her vagina.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Shlange

Posted on October 7, 2017
About celebrities, Compare and contrast, Guys, Illinois, Vagina

And You Often Get Out Of Limos with No Underwear on

Guy #1: I think you'd make a great Paris Hilton.
Guy #2: I do have a very womanly figure.
Guy #1: And you're a whore.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2017
About celebrities, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Guys, Illinois, Sexuality

Might As Well Embrace It — You’re Stuck with It

Hoochie on cell: Yep, I have herpes. Isn’t it awesome?!

University of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 21, 2017
Default, Health & Hygiene, Hoochies, Illinois, On the phone, Stupidity

I'm Known As the Paul Revere of Gaudy Accessories

Lesbian with terrible tie: I am the vanguard of the revolution.

Cozy Corner Diner & Pancake House
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on August 17, 2017
Bragging, Default, Illinois, Lesbos, Restaurants

And Middle-Aged Women Try to Squeeze Into It

(walking past Victoria's Secret PINK)
Goth #1: Dude, that place sells, like, sexy lingerie for 14-year-olds.
Goth #2: Awesome, dude!

Old Orchard Mall
Skokie, Illinois

Posted on May 4, 2017
Default, Goths, Illinois, Kink, Malls, Undies

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

Teen Boy Scout (after narrowly avoiding tripping): And that's why I'm so good at swing dancing. I have hips like an angel.

Amtrack
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Duckie

Posted on April 14, 2017
Body parts, Bragging, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Dancing, Default, Illinois, Pride, Teens

…Unlike Your Tasseled Loafers.

Hobo: You ever model?
Cute Asian guy: Uh, no.
Hobo: You should think about it. You have nice cheekbones. But definitely go with an agency.
Cute Asian guy: Okay. (awkward pause)
Hobo: By the way, this is man-to-man. This isn't no gay shit!

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on February 20, 2017
Asians, Body parts, Compliments, Guys, Hobos, Illinois, Jobs & Careers, Sexuality

Even Nymphs and Satyrs Need a Day Off, Sir

Man wearing cargo pants, on day before Easter: So what's this foolishness about you guys being closed tomorrow?
YMCA staff member: Apparently, we're celebrating Easter.
Man wearing cargo pants: But you guys are pagan!

Naperville, Illinois

Overheard by: Lauren

Posted on February 2, 2017
Default, Employees, Guys, Holidays, Illinois, Questions, Religion

Can’t Wait ’til They Go Up against Hillary’s Flying Monkeys

Girl #1: How come the pigeons don’t die when they hop on that third rail?
Girl #2: Because they’re Dick Cheney’s unholy army of the night.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: I’m glad I couldn’t vote back then

Posted on January 4, 2017
Animals, Chicks, Illinois, Politics

When Nerds Have Sex Dreams

Guy on cell: My rocket scientist shows up, she's drunk! But she's capable.

Cafe
Champaign, Illinois

Posted on November 13, 2016
Bars & Clubs, Compare and contrast, Drinking & drunks, Guys, Illinois, On the phone