Ooh, Stool Softener–Perfect!

Middle-aged matronly looking woman: Well, while we’re here I can get some of this stocking stuffer shit.

Walgreens
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on August 7, 2015
Clothes, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Illinois, Undies, Women

You Always Show Me Up, Peggy

Whiny-voiced 20-something: My period showed up two days early and ruined my weekend plans with that guy I was seeing.
20-something with baby: My period showed up two weeks late, stuck me with this, and ruined my life. Pass me one of those shirts in a medium?

Springfield, Illinois

Overheard by: Katie F

Posted on August 4, 2015
Clothes, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, Kids, Moms, Pregnancy

The New York Knickerbockers?

Employee: Any plans that start with ‘knickerbockers’ and end with ‘amaretto’ sound great to me!

Barnes & Noble
Orland Park, Illinois

Overheard by: me, too

Posted on August 4, 2015
Employees, Illinois, Words

Your Last Lecture Will Be Difficult to Top, Professor

Guy to others: There had better be another exploding chicken!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on July 31, 2015
Food, Guys, Illinois, Weirdness, Wishes

That Works More Often Than You'd Think

Crazy hobo: I like your hair.
Girl: Thanks.
Crazy hobo: Can I have it?
Girl: No, it's mine.
Crazy hobo: Oh, okay.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 30, 2015
Compliments, Crazies, Girls, Hair, Hobos, Illinois, Offers and requests

As I Proved Conclusively in My Doctoral Thesis

Professor, looking at picture of optical illusion: Here…we have…a bunch of lines.

Northwestern Univeristy
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 28, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Illinois, Sensory experiences, Teachers

…After Every Meal!

Little old lady to another as they part ways: Have a pleasant day, and don't forget to google!
Little old lady #2: What?
Little old lady #1: Google!

Union Station
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 21, 2015
Illinois, Internet, Old folks, Questions, Weirdness

He Left, While Singing, “Everybody Was Kung Pao Fighting…”

Guy on phone: Yo, g, I'm gonna go out to the club and get me some Pad Thai chicken. Hell yeah, you know what I'm talking about. K, peace.
Paralegal: What the fuck? Why Pad Thai? Why not Kung Pao?
Guy: Cause I don't want all that attitude up in my chicken. I want my chicken to sit down and shut the fuck up!
Paralegal: Get out of my office.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 21, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Food, Girls, Guys, Illinois, Offers and requests, On the phone, Questions, Wishes

Like Amniotic Fluid, Cigarette Smoke, and Misspent Youth.

Girl: Everything I touch smells like Britney Spears, but in a bad way.

Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on July 15, 2015
About celebrities, Compare and contrast, Girls, Illinois, Sensory experiences

Nothing Like Fuzzy Wits and a Full Bladder

Man #1: You know what I’m gonna do as soon as that train comes? I’m gonna go in between the cars and take a whiz!
Man #2: Yo, man, you can’t do that! You’ll get in trouble! When the train comes just sit yourself down with me and we’ll smoke a joint!

Fullerton L platform
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 29, 2015
Friends, Illinois, Time Management