God, You’re Such a Maudlin Drunk

Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don’t hear anyone else crying, do you?

United flight descending into O’Hare
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on November 15, 2013
Airports & flights, Dads, Illinois, Maladies, North America, Parenting, Parents, USA

Gotcha!

Girl: I’m not a nerd.
Boy: Yeah, you are.
Girl: Well, if I’m a nerd, you’re a nerd.
Boy: No, I’m not.
Girl: Yes, you are.
Boy: No. Being a nerd is not a transitive property!

University of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: not a nerd

Posted on November 13, 2013
Illinois, Insults, Kids

What Gets Out Blood?

Black lady #1: So I said, ‘What are you gonna do, hit me?’
Black lady #2: Mmm-hm.
Black lady #1: Then he really started to trip…
Black lady #2: Mmm.
Black lady #1: That’s when I looked him right in the eye and I said, ‘One of us is gonna die tonight.’

Joliet Mall
Joliet, Illinois

Posted on November 9, 2013
Black people, Gossip, Illinois

Or at Least Pull Up Your Underwear

Airport PA: Will the man with his pants around his ankles please return to Security and retrieve your belt?

Chicago Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on November 9, 2013
Airports & flights, Clothing, Employees, Illinois

Portrait Of the Attention Whore As a Young Man

Little boy, dressed as a firefighter, looking at picture of a raccoon: That's a raccoon! I shoot raccoons! With a gun! Look at my boots!

Wheaton, Illinois

Overheard by: Emlyn

Posted on August 12, 2011
Animals, Bragging, Clothes, Illinois, Kids, Murder

Or to Have Palin As Our Number Two

Boyfriend to girlfriend: It is my sole wish not to have to go number two tonight.

Obama Rally
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 25, 2011
Couples, Illinois, Poop, Weirdness, Wishes

Why Google Exists.

Fashionable girl on cell: Do you think you can catch pink eye from getting poop in your eye?

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on June 13, 2011
Girls, Health & Hygiene, Illinois, On the phone, Poop, Questions

…And Nobody Bakes Like the Jews, Am I Right, Avi?

Guy in leopard-print cowboy hat to woman holding homemade desserts and guy in yarmulke: I've been eating nothing but crap all week and every time I say I don't want to eat anymore! Someone put a brownie in front of me!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Burbgirl