Illinois

Guy talking about Belgium: They probably would not speak weasel with their Flemish brothers.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: i think i missed something

Toddler: Do you want a piece of me? Do you want a piece of me?
Father: Are you talking to me?
Toddler: Do you want a piece of me?
Father: No, that’s okay.

Chicago, Illinois

12-year-old: It’s my birthday! You said you would be nice to me today!
9-year-old sibling: No, I said I wouldn’t hurt you today.

Washington, Illinois

Overheard by: Laura

Non-native presenting for speech class: Everyone has cows in their life. Cows at home. Cows at work. Cows in our families. Cows can take over everything. But how do we get rid of the cows?
Teacher: Chaos. It’s pronounced ‘chaos.’

Truman College
Chicago, Illinois

Teacher: What were people in the ’50s basically concerned with?
Stoner kid: … Scoring?

Lincoln-Way High School
Illinois

Overheard by: Sally

20-ish girl on cell: I just think I need to work on mending our relationship. Maybe we need to go do a few shots and everything will be right with the world.

Bakery kiosk, O’Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Dad to howling toddler: Stop it! Suck it up! You don’t hear anyone else crying, do you?

United flight descending into O’Hare
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl: I’m not a nerd.
Boy: Yeah, you are.
Girl: Well, if I’m a nerd, you’re a nerd.
Boy: No, I’m not.
Girl: Yes, you are.
Boy: No. Being a nerd is not a transitive property!

University of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: not a nerd

Black lady #1: So I said, ‘What are you gonna do, hit me?’
Black lady #2: Mmm-hm.
Black lady #1: Then he really started to trip…
Black lady #2: Mmm.
Black lady #1: That’s when I looked him right in the eye and I said, ‘One of us is gonna die tonight.’

Joliet Mall
Joliet, Illinois

Airport PA: Will the man with his pants around his ankles please return to Security and retrieve your belt?

Chicago Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois