Jesus

And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense

Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on August 5, 2016
Default, Jesus, Sexuality, Smokers, Threats, Washington

Which Is Why I Have This Black Eye

(goth girl walks by two high school girls)
Girl #1: What is that?!
Girl #2: She's a goth.
Girl #1: Whats a goth?
Girl #2: You know, people who wear black and lots of makeup and listen to sad music.
Girl #1: Ohhhh, that's what they're called. I just call them people who need Jesus.

Albany, New York

Posted on January 11, 2016
Default, Girls, Jesus, New York, Stupidity

Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana

Mother (giving four-year-old a children’s bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.

Doctor’s Office
Ashland, Kentucky

Overheard by: Lola

Posted on November 12, 2015
Christianity, Default, Jesus, Kentucky, Moms, Offers and requests, Religion, Stupidity, Women

I'd Scream, “Holy Shit!”

Blond Christian girl #1: So, like, what if like when Jesus comes, you're in the bathroom? Like, what do you do?
Blond Christian girl #2: Oh, wow…that would suck.

Dallas, Texas

Posted on October 20, 2015
Default, Feelings, Girls, Jesus, Questions, Stupidity, Texas

You Can Feel Their Effects for Thousands of Years

Freshman: Are Arby’s sandwiches any good?
Junior: Arby’s sandwiches are Jesus Christ!

Gilbert High School
Gilbert, Arizona

Posted on October 6, 2015
Advice, Arizona, Compare and contrast, Food, Jesus, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Teens

Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'

Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas

Posted on July 30, 2015
Birthing, Body parts, Canadia, Girls, Jesus, Questions, Stupidity, Virginity

Yeah, That “God” Bit Was a Slick Cop-Out

Girl to pregnant friend: You're just like Mary, mother of Jesus…except she knew who the father was.

Toronto
Canadia

Posted on July 10, 2015
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Default, Family ties, Girls, God, Jesus

Or at Least Oprah

Mother: I’m going to sell you to the zoo.
Child: No, sell me to Jesus!

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: Amber

Posted on July 7, 2015
Jesus, Kids, Moms, Montana

Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?

Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on July 1, 2015
Jesus, Kids, Parenting, Parents, Pennsylvania

As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States

14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.

Portland, Oregon

Posted on June 25, 2015
Feelings, Friends, Gripes, Jesus, Punks, Teens