Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?
College Campus
Michigan
Girl to friend: And then they nailed Him to a cross! And we get chocolate eggs for this?
College Campus
Michigan
Girl on phone: When you get to the game room, don't sit next to Jesus, he's watching porn.
Georgetown, Delaware
Overheard by: Kate
Little girl: Where is Jesus?
Bored babysitter: Umm, I don't know… In your heart?
Little girl: Well, then guess what?
Bored babysitter: What?
Little girl: I'm going to punch him! (starts punching herself in the heart)
Toronto
Canadia
Woman: If Jesus isn't coming back this week, I just know it's going to be this month.
Edwardsville, Illinois
Heathen #1: That's awesome…like Jesus on a stick.
Heathen #2: Haha! Ooh, that's funny because…you know…
Santa Cruz, California
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Young ice cream customer: I'm going to get a large sundae.
Competitive young ice cream customer: Oh, yeah? I once had a sundae that was so big it was…it was… (thinks about it) up to the top of Jesus!
Dairy Queen
Victoria
Canadia
Overheard by: bemused in Dairy Queen
Middle aged woman: What is this?
Middle aged man: Oh. That's just a paper where Jesus explains the universe.
Middle aged woman: Do you need it?
Middle aged man: Yeah.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: that one chick
Girl #1: You don't even like Jesus.
Girl #2: I don't like Jesus, but I like the way he walks.
San Francisco, California
Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but…I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, “No way am I gonna reproduce!” And then…Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say “forehead sex.”
Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York
