Masturbation

Suit: I can’t masturbate to a picture of myself!

Maine

Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don’t, I masturbate, B-8.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/04/saturdays-are-pretty-dope.html

Overheard by: bingo player

Guy, telling everyone about a massage: You know how grandma's hands are real soft?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Craig

Teen: I couldn't tell if he meant “stop, exclamation point,” “don't, exclamation point,” or if he meant “don't stop, exclamation point.”
Friend: What did you do?
Teen: Look, that handjob wasn't going to finish itself, and I have a reputation, so I had no choice.
Friend: You're a goddamn trooper.

Syracuse Mall
Syracuse, New York

Overheard by: Just Exclaming!

Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!

Cleveland State University, Ohio

Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That’s because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.

Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC

[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!

Gothenburg
Sweden

Overheard by: Donny Boots

30-something woman on cell: Yeah, the crow was annoying, but at least it wasn't masturbating.

Framingham, Massachusetts

Nerd #1: Everything men do in their lives is for women.
Nerd #2: Except masturbation — that’s for us.

Gainesville, Florida

Girl #1: You're more likely to have a boy if the guy hasn't masturbated in awhile.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, my professor said so!

Sather Gate
UC Berkeley, California