With As Few Lasting Emotional Scars As Possible

Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.
Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can’t get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.
Cashier: Um, have a magical day.

Disney World
Florida

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on October 22, 2020
Florida, Lies, Moms

…Which I Use for My Other Job

(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids… that's where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.

Bus
Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on October 18, 2020
Bus, Default, Family ties, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Moms, Nebraska, Weirdness

No Tuition Payments after High School

Old Jewish lady: … And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo
Brazil

Posted on October 13, 2020
Brazil, Jobs & Careers, Moms, Should have used a condom

Or Anthrax

Mom: No! Don't walk on that! (kid continues to walk on grass) I hope you step in dog shit.

Capitol Hill
Washington, DC

Overheard by: christa

Posted on August 28, 2020
Animals, Default, Moms, Offers and requests, Poop, Washington, DC, Wishes

That's for Church

Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!

Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York

Overheard by: amused librarian

Posted on July 12, 2020
Dads, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, New York, Pee

And That Was the Extent of My “Birds and Bees” Talk

Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.

Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Kelsey

Posted on July 5, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Missouri, Moms

Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.

Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners… right?

Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York

Overheard by: Ldawg

Posted on July 4, 2020
Compare and contrast, Food, Kids, Moms, New York, Parenting, Questions, Sexuality

Translation: “Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas.”

MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.

Subway Station
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom

Posted on July 3, 2020
Compliments, Default, Education, Employees, Moms, Money, New York, Offers and requests, Public transportation, Tourists, Women

Hope You Bitches Saved Me Some Weed

Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daughter #1: Cause of the pretty moving pictures!
Daughter #2: Yeah! It's like an aquarium, but with Tom Hanks.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on July 3, 2020
About celebrities, Beauty, Default, Girls, Moms, New Zealand, Questions, Technology, Women

It’s More Like a Museum of Strangers’ Poo, Honey

Little girl, inside port-a-potty: Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy: Just be quiet and go potty.
Little girl: Mommy, do you know what it feels like in here? It’s like a little house where I’ll always be protected.

Renaissance Festival
Maryland

Overheard by: Nancy Whiskey

Posted on June 16, 2020
Girls, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Maryland, Moms, Poop

Moms