North Carolina

‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skinny girl: My roommate’s nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it’s the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, ‘Listen, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorexic.’ She’s accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the situation at all.

George Herman’s
Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on May 18, 2020
Default, Food, Girls, Gossip, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina, Skinny people, Violence

Did You Just Whinny?

Redhead: If I were a horse, I would totally do this one [points to horse in magazine].
Blonde: If you were a horse, you would do them all.
Redhead: Yeah! There’s the Quarter Horse, the Mustang, the Appaloosa, and the Arabian. Ohhh, the Arabian! [Shivers.]

Raleigh, North Carolina

Posted on May 17, 2020
Animals, Default, Girls, North Carolina, Sex, Wishes

Then There Was the Guy We Stabbed and Stuck in the Dumpster…

Hungover girl #1: I really feel like an ass.
Hungover girl #2: Why do you feel like an ass?
Hungover girl #1: Well I did throw a drink on someone.
Hungover girl #2, nodding: And got kicked out of the bar twice.

Wilmington, North Carolina

Posted on February 29, 2020
Ass, Compare and contrast, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, North Carolina, Violence, Weirdness

And You’re Not Even Drunk!

Whitey thug: I can’t listen to you anymore! You just ended a sentence with a motherfucking preposition!

Gas station
North Carolina

Overheard by: KommissarKrunch

Posted on January 6, 2020
North Carolina, Whiteys, Words

Wanna Race?

Drunk girl puking in bathroom stall to drunk girl puking in stall next to her: It's okay! I'm throwing up too!

Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Posted on September 12, 2019
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina

Is a Frilly Lace Thong Too Much to Ask?

Four-year-old boy: I said, all I want is underwear!

Banana Republic
Smithfield, North Carolina

Overheard by: Bryan

Posted on August 27, 2019
Kids, North Carolina, Undies

Is There Ever a Viable Reason for Riverdancing?

Guy to friend: Do you have a reason to riverdance on my testicles?

Boone, North Carolina

Posted on August 26, 2019
Balls, Dancing, Default, Guys, North Carolina, Questions

Stop Laughing — I’m Serious!

Chick #1: What is that? A rape whistle?
Chick #2, wearing whistle around neck: Yeah, it is! [Blows it loudly] I’m gonna rape you!

Cans Bar & Canteen
Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Devon

Posted on July 30, 2019
Bars & Clubs, Chicks, North Carolina, Threats

As Long As You Don’t Lie in the Same Bed Together, It’s All Good

Man: What does it say in the bible about punching your son in the face?

Starbucks
Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: wondering the same thing myself

Posted on April 26, 2019
Books, Guys, North Carolina, Offspring, Parenting, Questions, Religion, Restaurants, Violence

I'm Not Sure I've Heard This Version Of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears”

Teenage boy: She said his bazooka was too big for her funhole.

High School
North Carolina

Overheard by: aWkWaRd

Posted on March 31, 2019
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, North Carolina, Penis, Sex, Teens, Vagina