Girl to guy: Okay, okay. You can play the waitress, and I'll play the creepy chef who's always trying to rape the waitresses.
Oslo
Norway
Girl to guy: Okay, okay. You can play the waitress, and I'll play the creepy chef who's always trying to rape the waitresses.
Oslo
Norway
Drunk 20-something, yelling in a crowd: Because I am a grad student and I don't do anything!
Older woman: You know there are some attractive young men over by the band.
Drunk 20-something: Well, I do do that.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Guy #1: Do you like Guns 'n' Roses?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: In a strange sort of way, I know Slash. Well… Slash's mom used to be my TA, you know, my teacher's assistant, when I was a kid.
Guy #2: You gotta get me his autograph. I'll suck your dick if you get me his autograph.
Guy #1: Do you prefer guys?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Spokane, Washington
Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: Monty
Frumpy Hermionesque girl: Why don't we try to use the formula for finding the location of two galaxies next to one another?
Hipster boy in ironic winter hat: Why would we do that? We're trying to find the age of the universe. You're the worst partner ever.
Frumpy Hermionesque girl: Fuck you, I'm going to find the age of the universe on my own!
Undergraduate Library
University of Michigan
Overheard by: Todd
Girl, carrying armloads of stuff: I don't have a free hand to lock the door with.
Boyfriend, in most sketch-ass tone imaginable: Use your mouth.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Hazzenkockle
Gay guy going up escalator to girl going down with coffee: You know you're not supposed to have drinks on the metro.
Girl with coffee: Okay, then take it for me. (he refuses, she calls up to him) Take it! Take it! I'm not supposed to have it! What will I do!?
Metro Station
Washington, DC
Loud 40-something suit on cell: Yeah, let's sit around smoking ganja on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you can teach me Swahili.
Giant Eagle Grocery
Medina, Ohio
Boy: Let's play Heads Up, Seven Up!
Girl #1: Let's play Around the World!
Girl #2: Let's play Mum Ball!
Boy: Let's all play Strip Solitaire!
Teacher: I told you: there's no fun allowed in here!
Penn Yan Academy
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Loud hipster on cell, in quiet restaurant: If you went into the jungle, I wouldn't follow you because I don't trust you! (pause) Awesome! Let's hang out.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Mrs. Rollins
