On the phone

Girl on phone: But I don't have a mustache…

Colorado State University

Middle aged gay man on cell: Mother, stop making excuses. You chose to live in a government hellhole named Canada. You could have gone somewhere like Detroit, but nooooo…

Starbucks
Los Angeles, California

Woman on phone: I saw a greyhound in the middle of the road. So I told her, “there's a greyhound in the middle of the road!”

Sydney
Australia

Loud 40-something suit on cell: Yeah, let's sit around smoking ganja on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and you can teach me Swahili.

Giant Eagle Grocery
Medina, Ohio

Hot, black female nerd on phone: No, I don't need you to explain to me why Batman can't be Asian. That's a conversation we only need to have once.

Connecticut

Overheard by: Bruce Lee Wayne

Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I'd brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he's doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it's all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.

Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California

Disheveled suit on cell: Hey, I've decided to go home and start drinking. (pause) Yeah, I think Jim, Jack, and Jose can help me work through my problems.

River North
Chicago, Illinois

Girl on cell: They had Greenland and Iceland on the test. (pause) Yeah, apparently they're two different things. (pause) I dunno, Greenland is the cold one, or something. (pause) Yeah, I think it was unfair, too.

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ginger

Preppy girl on cell: You know, why don't you talk more? Why don't you participate? I just wish you would say something not stupid.

Somerville, Massachusetts

Overheard by: timmmm

Man on cell, laughing: You don't need a chair! Your ass is so big you can sit on the ground! (pause, then enamored) Aw, I love that laugh. You know I wanna marry that laugh. (defensive) Why do you do that? You always do that when I try to share my feelings with you!

Beaverton, Oregon

Overheard by: facepalm