On the phone

20‐something girl on cell: I had the malpractice ball this last weekend. It was in the Weisman Museum… kind of lame, not a lot of space. (pause) But I didn’t bring a flask this year, so it was a little conservative, definitely a limited amount of alcohol. (pause) Are you going home for Passover? (pause) Oh my, are you converting? (pause) Yeah, I want to know what this whole Jerry Springer photo thing is all about.


Overheard by: burrhead

Teenage girl on cell: I’m not saying that I want to be famous, I know not everyone can be famous, I’m just saying that’s the one thing I’ve always, like, aspired to, just a beautiful connection.


Girl on cell: Did you write it on my Facebook? Was it perverted or mean? Yeah? Good.

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Girl on phone: I mean, do you know how strange it feels to climb out of the bed of the guy you just hooked up with and then climb into bed with your brother?

Chinatown bus from New York City to Baltimore, Maryland

Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is… Oooh! Toothbrushes!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: ak

Loud guy on cell: Where you at? Did you make the stop? He went to jail yesterday? What? What time did you get locked up? Damn!

McDonald’s, Illinois Center
Chicago, Illinois

Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That’s not gay. (pause) It’s not gay when “turning out the lights” means putting your hands over my eyes while we’re test‐driving a car that’s worth more than your sister’s gold plated vahjay!

George Mason University

Overheard by: Your sister won

Chick on cell: Yeah, mom, listen: I’m trying to buy some weed. Yeah, I’ll call you back if I get any. Okay, love you too. Bye.

Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Adrienne

Black lady on cell: I said, ‘Yeah, I’m black, but dat don’ mean I be makin’ counterfeit money!’

Food Lion
Sanford, North Carolina

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Girl on cell: No, Mom, you don’t understand! The sex toy party was a lot of fun! They just had some great stuff there, okay?

College bus
Allendale, Michigan