On the phone

Guy on cell: So yeah, I broke it off with her… Well, she has a thing for feet, and I have a thing about feet, so it just wasn’t going to work.


Girl on phone: Yeah, he couldn’t get it up, so we just watched Schindler’s List instead.


Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I'm not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt

Young woman on cell: I kiss my grandpa on the mouth, have I made out with him?

Palo Alto, California

Guy with sunglasses on cell: So I went back to the apartment today and he was passed out again! (pause) Yeah, dude, I think he smoked a bowl on my bed and then seized a few times…

B Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.

Boston, Massachusetts

Teen boy ordering sub, on cell: You like the way I say “delicious?”

Carson, California

Overheard by: I've heard it said worse

Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode… Right, but be sure it’s in cow mode… No, you’ll know when it’s in cow mode.

Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas

Overheard by: Not sure I want to know

African-American man on phone: Well, now, you just bring your hair… and you be on your way.


Overheard by: serial forgetter of hair

Bimbette on cell: I thought I’d died, and then gone to, like, not heaven.

University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan