Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?

Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um… no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!

Salem, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Jenna

Posted on June 30, 2023
Family ties, Kids, Moms, Money, New Hampshire, Parenting, Questions, Shopping, Should have used a condom, Toys

Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns

Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!

Philippines

Posted on June 26, 2023
Asia, Fears, Kids, Moms, Parenting

…If You Ever Want a Seat in the House Of Commons

Exasperated-sounding woman to small child: If you're not gonna cry properly, then don't cry at all.

http://www.violaraptor.co.uk/2006/07/quotebook-2006/

Overheard by: Raptor

Posted on June 5, 2023
Advice, Feelings, Moms, Other sites, Parenting, Women

Tragically, Many Kids Don't Recognize a Vegetable When They See One.

Mom, with neck tattoo reading “ape” to toddler daughter picking produce: Put that back. That is not what you think it is.

Wal-Mart
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Kathyp

Posted on May 28, 2023
Kids, Moms, Offspring, Oklahoma, Parenting, Shopping

Little Kids These Days Are Snottier Than Ever

Man to two-year-old daughter: I drew a face with eyes, nose and mouth. Can you tell me what's missing?
Two-year-old daughter: The boogers in the nose!

Faulconbridge
Australia

Posted on May 27, 2023
Australia, Body parts, Dads, Kids, Mouth, Parenting

I’ll Tell You It’s Yours, Regardless

Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]Girl: Not by you, but, you know…

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on May 22, 2023
Bimbettes, Canadia, Couples, Parenting, Stupidity

That, or the Mescaline Is Finally Kicking In.

Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I'm not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: cgt

Posted on May 13, 2023
Animals, Family ties, Guys, Hair, Illinois, On the phone, Parenting

But With Slightly Less Dancing

Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Posted on April 21, 2023
About celebrities, Compare and contrast, Girls, Maine, Parenting, Questions, Wishes, Women, Zombies

Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great

Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?

Train
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there

Posted on April 18, 2023
Australia, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Questions, Train

Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey

Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)

Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey

Overheard by: not EVERYONE

Posted on March 29, 2023
Drinking & drunks, Education, Kids, Moms, New Jersey, Parenting, Wishes

Parenting