Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That’s why babies don’t drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can’t see over the steering wheel.
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That’s why babies don’t drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can’t see over the steering wheel.
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
Chick #1: She looks kind of…
Chick #2: Satanic?
Chick #1: I was going to say Ukrainian, but…
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
Little girl to dog: Lucy, no! I admonish you!
Perry Square
Erie, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Middle school boy: They could solve world hunger if they just kept cloning lots of sheep.
Friend: Aren't sheep like, tofu?
Radnor, Pennsylvania
Girl sitting by window: Oh, John, come here!
Guy: What? Why?
Girl: Because there's a male and female cardinal sitting on the same branch!
Guy: Are they fucking?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
50-something grubby, scruffy-looking woman: Why are you dressed like that?
40-something very nicely dressed woman: What, you mean well?
KMart Parking Lot
Delaware County, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jayvee
Tough guy who waxes his eyebrows: Yeah, my old girlfriend was smart. She didn't let me take any pictures or videotape her while we were fucking. This new chick…if she's ever famous, I'm rich!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Girl (about her college): The on-campus security is really good too, the campus police will get to you in like, 30 seconds. I’m still thinking about getting mace or something.
Girl’s younger brother: No one wants to rape you.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Quazarfreez
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date…
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don’t want to date her, and we’re supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don’t know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: “Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?”
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: “Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?”
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Starbucks employee: Actually, most of the stores in the city are out of soy today.
Pompous customer: Well, what am I supposed to do? Starve?
Starbucks
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ho Lexington III
