Public transportation

Conductor: This is not the airport station. You will know it when you see it. I will make a big deal about it when we get there.

BART Station
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Glad my iPod was off

Young pregnant mother, gratefully accepting seat on crowded tram: Come over here and sit with mummy, Adam.
Four-year-old: Noooooooooo.
Mother: C'mon, Adam, come sit with mummy.
Four-year-old: Noooooooo (but slinks over and sits down anyway)
Mother: Better?
Four-year-old: You've ruined my life, mom.
Mother: Yes, honey, I know.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Soap Oprah

Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club…by myself!

Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!

Transit Train
New Jersey

Overheard by: twoferrets

Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work…thank you for flying Southwest.

Flight over Providence, Rhode Island

Gay white male, exiting train: I can only go ten stops without smoking a cigarette, otherwise I get angry!
Old black female, entering train: Damn, mo' sugar in here than a tank of Kool-Aid.

Orange Line
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Cryptic C62

Guy #1: I loved the way you fucked me last night.
Guy #2: I can't wait to do it again, tonight.
Guy #1: Mmmm, I'm getting hot just thinking about it.
Annoyed woman sitting in front of them: You two fools do realize everyone on the bus can hear you, don't you?

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: CTA bus rider

Slightly austistic girl to slightly austistic boyfriend: I just don't want our relationship to be dysfunctional…
Slightly austistic boyfriend: No! No! It won't…

School Bus

Teenager #1: Why does the train keep stopping?
Teenager #2: Because it has to stop at train stations.
Teenager #1: Ohmigod, train stations are so random!

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Angela

Gay guy going up escalator to girl going down with coffee: You know you're not supposed to have drinks on the metro.
Girl with coffee: Okay, then take it for me. (he refuses, she calls up to him) Take it! Take it! I'm not supposed to have it! What will I do!?

Metro Station
Washington, DC