Guy: Wait, Langston Hughes was gay? Damn, now I gotta take him off my Facebook.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Guy: Wait, Langston Hughes was gay? Damn, now I gotta take him off my Facebook.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
Greenpeace canvasser: Hey! Want to save some trees?
Lady: I don't have time right now. I have to go get rid of a man by divorcing him.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Deana
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Frat boy to sky: Where is the pussy in this world?!
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Teen gay guy: Hey, do you ever color your nipples?
Teen girl: Huh?
Teen gay guy: When you get bored you, don't take a Sharpie and color your nipples? (pulls up shirt and points) See, this one's pink and this one's blue.
Teen girl: Um…no, I don't.
Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I feel something…
Overcompensating Lutheran chaperon: What did you feel? Is it inside? Maybe it's Jesus. (pause) Is Jesus talking to you? What did he say? (waves hands in air) Praise Jesus!
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I think he said you should stop telling people he touches them.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Untouched
Dude #1: So then I was like, “take that back, you bitch!”
Dude #2: Whoa man, then what happened?
Dude #1: She bent over, and then it hit her that I wasn't trying to bone her doggy style. I dumped her two minutes later.
Dude #2: Haha, yeah! That's my sister for you!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Stephanie C.
Middle aged woman to waitress: How do you stay so thin?
Waitress, serving woman dessert: I don't eat here.
Restaurant
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can’t fuck’em, what’s the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
