Race

Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.

Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York

Girl: Promise me you won't fall in love with a Mexican while you're gone and leave me forever.
Boy: You're so racist sometimes.
Girl: I can't help it!

International Airport
Portland, Oregon

Girl: Can you poke the Mars Bars?
Guy: They don't feel white.
Girl: Do they feel brown?
Guy: Yep, they feel brown.

Calgary
Alberta
Canadia

Teenager, noticing little girl being led around by her mother on a leash: Look! White people be putting their kids on leashes!

The Galleria
St. Louis, Missouri

Translucently pale white girl staring at cop car, to equally pale friend: My god, we've turned into black people!

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Dude to friend: And then I look over, and there's this giant white cock! (holds hands two feet apart)

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Missed the good part

Reporter to bodyguard for racist, fascist political party holding a press conference: Can you tell us why we're not being allowed to enter?
Bodyguard: You've printed repeated and insidious lies about our party.
Reporter, after long pause: We're a tv station.

Manchester
England

Blonde: So this guy was hitting on me and he was like, “so, do you have a boyfriend?” and I was like, “ummm, yeah.” It was really creepy. I was like, “oh my god, I can not tell my boyfriend about this!” I mean, normally he wouldn't really care, but (looks around and lowers voice) this guy was black, so I think my boyfriend might flip. I mean, not that he's racist or anything.

Penn Tech
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait…you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!

Detroit, Michigan

Hot black chick: I don't know why you're so surprised… It's the same way I'd nail Lucy Liu and alt-world Neil Patrick Harris.
Nerdy friend: Alt-world Neil Patrick Harris?
Hot black chick: You know, where he's straight and really into black chicks.
Nerdy friend: Baffling.

New Haven, Connecticut