Stand Back, People

30-something Catholic to girlfriend: I think I'm giving up masturbation for lent. (long pause) I think I might just give up masturbation.

Norman, Oklahoma

Posted on May 17, 2011
Christianity, Holidays, Masturbation, Oklahoma, Religious fanatics

The Door Is Somewhere in New Jersey

Bus preacher: Prime time bingo is the key to hell.

Kingston
Jamaica

Posted on May 5, 2009
Central America, Default, Evil, Games, Religious fanatics, Weirdness

And Don't Let Windows Hit You on the Way Out

Lecturer: You just want to drag and drop this, like you would with your lover the next morning.

Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology
Christchurch
New Zealand

Overheard by: I wish I took this class…

Posted on April 2, 2009
Compare and contrast, Default, New Zealand, Relationships, Religious fanatics, Weirdness

That's What You Said About Gossip Girl

Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!

Penn Yan, New York

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on January 31, 2009
Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, New York, Religion, Religious fanatics, Weirdness

Would You Just Rob the Fucking Bank, Already?

Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: People have forgotten how to praise the Lord!
Bank teller: (nods)
Customer: Don't complain that you can't find a job! Praise god that there are jobs!

Bank of America
Palm Harbor, Florida

Overheard by: Serena H.

Posted on December 10, 2008
Compare and contrast, Customers, Default, Employees, Florida, God, Jobs & Careers, Religious fanatics

The ACLU Defends the Constitution? What Kinda Commie Shit Is That?!

Volunteer #1: We can't be selling this music, it's devil worship.
Volunteer #2: Well, that's the ACLU. The ACLU ought to be abolished. They're why there's all this stuff around.
Customer: Why are you getting rid of that? Don't you think people ought to be able to choose for themselves?
Volunteer #2: Harry Potter is a witch!
Customer: I think we ought to get rid of Bush and Cheney, put them in jail–they're mass murderers!
Volunteers #1 & #2: (silence)

Joshua Tree Thrift Shop
California

Overheard by: Celeste Mann

Posted on December 1, 2008
California, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Crimes, Customers, Default, Evil, Murder, Music, Politics, Religious fanatics, Stores, Weirdness

Some Sorority Initiation Names Are Nicer Than Others

Bible thumper pointing at chick: You're the master baiter!

University Quad
Illinois State

Overheard by: a fellow masterbater

Posted on October 8, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Default, Illinois, Names, Religion, Religious fanatics, Weirdness

As Friends

White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.

Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Posted on October 7, 2008
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Guys, Questions, Religion, Religious fanatics, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sexuality, Whiteys

On a Totally Unrelated Topic, Care to Come See My “Special Room”?

(Christian brother professor is chewing on the ice of his drink after lunch)
Student: Hey brother, you know what chewing ice is supposed to signify?
Brother: Yeah…sexual frustration.
Student (chuckling): Yeah.
Brother (shrugging): Occupational hazard.

LaSalle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Well D'uh

Posted on September 27, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Default, Jobs & Careers, Pennsylvania, Questions, Religious fanatics, Sexuality, Students, Teachers

Religious fanatics