You Have Not Converted a Man because You Have Silenced Him

Guy: Look! A squirrel!
Girl: Awww! It’s cute.
Guy: It’s a girl squirrel.
Girl: How do you know?
Guy: It has squirrel tits. [Girl hits him over the head.]

Newark, Delaware

Posted on December 21, 2017
Animals, Body parts, Comebacks, Default, Delaware, Girls, Guys, Sex

Some Impulses Can't Be Curbed

Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.

University of Kentucky

Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.

Posted on November 25, 2017
Animals, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, Kentucky, Kids, Teachers, Weirdness

Cat Owners Totally Sympathize

Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.

Berkeley, California

Posted on November 6, 2017
Animals, California, Friends, Health & Hygiene, Sensory experiences, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

…Socially

Girl: Oh, don't worry, I like weird things too. I like to see fat squirrels.

Manhattan, Kansas

Posted on November 6, 2017
Advice, Animals, Default, Girls, Kansas, Weirdness

But All It Tells Me Is When They're Ready!

Guy: Where did all the animals go? I don't know, why don't you go ask your microwave!

Art Camp
Tallahassee, Florida

Posted on October 26, 2017
Advice, Animals, Default, Florida, Food, Guys, Questions

Puppy: Hey, I May Be Dinner— Cut Me Some Slack

Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!

Bangkok
Thailand

Overheard by: Adair

Posted on October 24, 2017
Animals, Asia, Compliments, Default, Feelings, Insults, Tourists

Time to Move Back to New York

Chick #1: I hate kittens.
Chick #2: Do you hate rainbows too?
Guy: And dreams?
Chick: #3: And butterflies?

San Diego, California

Posted on October 21, 2017
Animals, California, Default, Feelings, Girls, Guys, Questions

“Family Game Night” Has a Different Spin When Your Parents Are Psychologists

Chick: Yeah, he was just showing us random slides and told us to guess what they were. And there was this one slide — at first I thought it was Jesus and some chick, but on the next slide the dude was turning into a horse and I thought, ‘Jesus never did that!’ so I just put down ‘Man turning into a horse.’

Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana