Then I Sniff It and I'm Like, “Ooo, Beer!”

Tiny pregnant girl to friend: He has this mattress that has pee stains all over it, and he keeps blaming it on the dog! I'm like, “yeah, right!”

Target
York, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 21, 2018
Animals, Girls, Gossip, Pee, Pennsylvania, Preggers, Stores

…Was My Bar Mitzvah Theme

Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus…

Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina

Overheard by: Diana Mason

Posted on March 5, 2018
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Default, Guys, Jesus, North Carolina, Pop culture, Weirdness

Should We Go for the Easy “Eating Pussy” Joke Here?

Housewife: We all have days at home with the cat where we think, “God, that cat looks yummy.”

Newcastle
Australia

Overheard by: Susie

Posted on February 9, 2018
Animals, Australia, Default, Food, Weirdness, Women

You Have Not Converted a Man because You Have Silenced Him

Guy: Look! A squirrel!
Girl: Awww! It’s cute.
Guy: It’s a girl squirrel.
Girl: How do you know?
Guy: It has squirrel tits. [Girl hits him over the head.]

Newark, Delaware

Posted on December 21, 2017
Animals, Body parts, Comebacks, Default, Delaware, Girls, Guys, Sex

Some Impulses Can't Be Curbed

Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.

University of Kentucky

Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.

Posted on November 25, 2017
Animals, Clothes, Colleges & Universities, Default, Kentucky, Kids, Teachers, Weirdness

Cat Owners Totally Sympathize

Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.

Berkeley, California

Posted on November 6, 2017
Animals, California, Friends, Health & Hygiene, Sensory experiences, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes

…Socially

Girl: Oh, don't worry, I like weird things too. I like to see fat squirrels.

Manhattan, Kansas

Posted on November 6, 2017
Advice, Animals, Default, Girls, Kansas, Weirdness

But All It Tells Me Is When They're Ready!

Guy: Where did all the animals go? I don't know, why don't you go ask your microwave!

Art Camp
Tallahassee, Florida

Posted on October 26, 2017
Advice, Animals, Default, Florida, Food, Guys, Questions

Puppy: Hey, I May Be Dinner— Cut Me Some Slack

Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!

Bangkok
Thailand

Overheard by: Adair

Posted on October 24, 2017
Animals, Asia, Compliments, Default, Feelings, Insults, Tourists

Time to Move Back to New York

Chick #1: I hate kittens.
Chick #2: Do you hate rainbows too?
Guy: And dreams?
Chick: #3: And butterflies?

San Diego, California

Posted on October 21, 2017
Animals, California, Default, Feelings, Girls, Guys, Questions

Animals