…When I Sat on His Face. What?

Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were… While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's…what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh…your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.

San Francisco, California

Posted on June 12, 2018
Age and ageing, Animals, Compare and contrast, Default, Family ties, Girls, Hair, Moms, Old folks, Questions, San Francisco, Vagina, Words

That's Someone in a Mickey Costume, Honey.

Redneck to wife: You'll never see a squirrel like that in Massachusetts!

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 8, 2018
Animals, Compare and contrast, Florida, Rednecks

We Imagine Futurama‘s Professor Farnsworth in This Role

Student: Hi professor, we need some help with our regressions.
Professor, cutting her off: Enough about you. I got a new dog yesterday, look I have a picture!
Student: Uhh… He’s cute?

Wellesley, Massachusetts

Posted on May 31, 2018
Animals, Default, Education, Etiquette, Massachusetts, Students, Teachers

For One Thing, They Haven't Been Bred Into Stupidity

Boy to girl: Do you think a zebra feels like a horse?
Girl to boy, after brief pause: I don't think they really feel like they are horses, I think they know they are different.

Zoo
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Posted on May 20, 2018
Animals, Compare and contrast, Feelings, Girls, Guys, Stupidity, Wisconsin

“Thank You, Brother Fish, for Feeding Me,” I Said

Hipster to buddies: Look, all I'm saying is, that fish made me feel so special.

Stumptown Coffee
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Addison

Posted on May 20, 2018
Animals, Bars & Clubs, Default, Feelings, Hipsters, Oregon

…As Seen in Elmo' Money, Elmo' Problems.

Streetcar announcement: Next stop, Alton Avenue!
Crazy guy on streetcar: Next stop, house of contaminated puppies!
Streetcar announcement: Next stop, Greenwood Avenue!
Crazy guy on streetcar: Next stop, have you ever tried to kill a Muppet in an alley?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Felicity Thistle

Posted on April 29, 2018
Animals, Canadia, Crazies, TV shows, Violence

…In a Non-Sexual Way?

Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?

St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia

Overheard by: aba therapist