Chick: … So I start projectile vomiting in my car, and after I filled up the bag, I just said, ‘Fuck it’ and started barfing on the passenger seat.
Holé Molé
Long Beach, California
Chick: … So I start projectile vomiting in my car, and after I filled up the bag, I just said, ‘Fuck it’ and started barfing on the passenger seat.
Holé Molé
Long Beach, California
Professor: See, humans have what Aristotle calls “rational souls,” meaning we use intellect. Humans ask questions that other living things can't, like “what is god? What is the divine problem? Where are my Nunchuks? Where did I leave them?”
Philosophy Class, UC
Santa Barbara, California
Hobo: Do you know what the world needs more of?
Coffee employee: Love?
Hobo: Nope, toothpicks… but love was a good guess.
Sacramento, California
Professor: So, were you in this class before?
Man: Yeah — I dropped halfway through.
Professor: That’s right! You were the flake!
Man: I had open-heart surgery!
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
Asian Visual Studies professor: Why is the lotus flower significant in Buddhist art? The lotus comes from this muddy, icky swamp water, and then it pops up and blooms really big and it’s just beautiful, and you can’t believe something so beautiful could have come from this ugly place — it’s sort of like Liv Tyler, actually.
UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Girl in fitting room: These leggings are totally going to ruin my karma.
Forever 21
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: lisa
Little girl to mother: Mommy, where's Aladdin?
Mother: He'll come soon, sweetie.
(repeats this for ten minutes)
Little girl, seeing Aladdin on the stage: Who is that?
Mother: Aladdin.
Little girl: Where's Jasmine?
Adventure Theater
Anaheim, California
High school girl #1, screaming: Oh my god!
High school girl #2: What happened?!
High school girl #1, pointing at girl #3: She just shoved her finger up my crotch!
Space Mountain line, Disneyland
California
Overheard by: bobbie the tortfeasor
Teenage girl #1 (suddenly): I wonder if there are strip clubs with just fat women.
Teenage girl #2: God, I hope so.
San Jose, California
Professor: Isaac Newton, on his deathbed, was proud to announce that he was a virgin. So if any of you want to be famous scientists, you are going to have to be willing to make a few sacrifices.
Girl, raising hand: Um.
Professor: Oh, is it too late?
De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl loves physics
