Drunk girl #1: I totally feel like there’s going to be an earthquake any day now.
Drunk girl #2: I know, this is totally earthquake weather.
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: made my next round a double
Drunk girl #1: I totally feel like there’s going to be an earthquake any day now.
Drunk girl #2: I know, this is totally earthquake weather.
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: made my next round a double
Woman on cell: Dude, you guys drink milk like cows!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nance
Professor, hitting mic and causing feedback: Oops, sorry. [Whispering to self] It’s my android nature.
Human Sexuality class, UCSC
Santa Cruz, California
Cashier: Birdseed, one lemon, a bottle of toilet bowl cleanser, and a package of bacon?
Stoned surfer dude: Yeah, man. It’s amazing how little you really need in life.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Orion QP
Guy: Didn’t you have a friend who lost her virginity to her shoe?
Green haired girl: Yeah. She fell on her foot and ruptured it or something. Like riding a horse.
Pink haired girl: What the fuck?
Guy: Told you!
Green haired girl: I felt bad when she told us because I was the only one busting up laughing.
California
Three-year-old climbing on plastic Ronald McDonald: He’s not real! [Smacks his face.] He’s not real!
Walmart
Pleasanton, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Chick: … So I start projectile vomiting in my car, and after I filled up the bag, I just said, ‘Fuck it’ and started barfing on the passenger seat.
Holé Molé
Long Beach, California
Professor: See, humans have what Aristotle calls “rational souls,” meaning we use intellect. Humans ask questions that other living things can't, like “what is god? What is the divine problem? Where are my Nunchuks? Where did I leave them?”
Philosophy Class, UC
Santa Barbara, California
Hobo: Do you know what the world needs more of?
Coffee employee: Love?
Hobo: Nope, toothpicks… but love was a good guess.
Sacramento, California
Professor: So, were you in this class before?
Man: Yeah — I dropped halfway through.
Professor: That’s right! You were the flake!
Man: I had open-heart surgery!
Las Positas College
Livermore, California
