Old man employee:… So I was at the Cabbage Patch Kid factory in Georgia…
Young trailer trash dude employee: Cabbage Patch Kids?!? I’d rather hold hands with a midget clown than play with one of those things!
Hardware Store
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: kat
Gay dressing room associate: Did you find everything alright today?
Attractive female shopper: Everything except a pair of pants.
Gay dressing room associate: We'll just have to find you a pair, then.
Attractive female shopper: No, that's alright. The pants here never fit me correctly.
Gay dressing room associate: Well, I'll see if I can't fit you in my pants.
Attractive female shopper: Wait… What?
Banana Republic
Marin, California
Young single woman talking about her date with an older man: I was like, “Don't kiss me yet, you're an old man!”
San Rafael, California
Single guy at preschool picnic surrounded by pretty MILFs: Clean, perfumed mommy flesh!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Made me laugh
Suit #1: Yeah, I went in for a colonoscopy last week.
Suit #2: Really? How was it? Painful?
Suit #1: No, actually, with all the Demerol they gave me I don't remember anything about it…love that Demerol…so much so that I think I'll schedule another ass scope for next week.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Ken Lane
20-something girl on phone: Okay, how much did she drink? Okay. (pause) Well, can you wake her up? No? (pause) Okay, see, but I don't think it would be a good idea to give her some cocaine.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: frink
Asian chick: Oh my god, this huge, fat-ass raindrop just fell on my head.
Friend: You’re a huge, fat-ass raindrop! You’re such a fat-ass raindrop, you make people over-hydrated!
Asian chick, shocked: There’s no such thing as over-hydrated! You just pee a lot!
Muirlands Middle School
La Jolla, California
Guy flirting with cute blonde: Did you know that melons are a natural palate cleanser? Yeah, I’m kind of a melon connoisseur.
Dining hall, UC Santa Cruz
California
Bespectacled, be-hatted, be-flanneled guy to friend: It’s like Seattle without the heroin, New York without the coke. All bets are off. People are drunk 24/7.
Channing and Ellsworth
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen, who wishes she knew where they were talking about
Loud, livid woman barging through the crowd, completely serious: Move it! Get out of my way, I have to make pizza for Patrick Swayze!
Farmers Market
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
