Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever…it means four whole penises for me. Yay!
Livermore, California
Girl walking with two friends: God, you guys suck so bad! But, whatever…it means four whole penises for me. Yay!
Livermore, California
Girl to group of friends: And then he lifted up his skirt to reveal a fake vagina!
Comic Con
San Diego, California
Dude on cell: You are a liar. We talked about this before. (5 minutes later) Did you wash the red comforter? (pause) So you think I'm just going to sleep in the bed where she got her pussy juice?
Koreatown
Los Angeles, California
Hobo to hipster: Is a BlackBerry a cell phone?
Hipster: Yeah, but I don't have one.
Hobo: I like blackberry pie!
Los Angeles, California
Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it “cross dress for less”?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know…
Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Girl on phone: Oh my god, I seriously didn't think anyone could act like that unless they were on something! (pause) I know! He was slurring his speech, staggering all over the place, and talking about Romeo and Juliet!
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: one of these things is not like the other…
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it…it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Flight attendant, during speech: There is also an overhead call button, that if you misuse, will eject you from the aircraft.
Flight go Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hikari
Girl: It's hard to listen to his lectures, but he has crutches so he's fun to look at.
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Teenager #1: There's no way for Santa to visit all the houses on earth; that's impossible.
Teenager #2: He doesn't have to visit every house, though. Not everybody celebrates Christmas.
Teenager #1: So? That would be like god saying “Muslims can go fuck themselves, I only watch out for Christians.”
Teenager #3: Some people actually do believe that.
Teenager #2: Yeah, I mean, if they don't celebrate Christmas, then…
Teenager #1: You know, at the speed Santa would need to travel to deliver gifts to all those people, his sleigh would literally catch on fire.
Teenager #2: Dude, see, it works like this…
Teenager #1: No, here's how it works: there's no fucking Santa.
Chino, California
