Mother, digging through prom dresses on rack, to nine-year-old daughter: There's so much glitter here! Did you know that so many drag queens shop at Ross that they call it “cross dress for less”?
Nine-year-old, bored: I know…
Ross Dress for Less
El Cerrito, California
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Girl on phone: Oh my god, I seriously didn't think anyone could act like that unless they were on something! (pause) I know! He was slurring his speech, staggering all over the place, and talking about Romeo and Juliet!
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: one of these things is not like the other…
Mom: He'll have chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and gummy bears.
Five-year-old son: But I want the blue ice cream!
Mom: Honey, the blue is cotton candy ice cream. You can't have it…it's pure sugar.
Coldstone Creamery
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: Amused Employee
Flight attendant, during speech: There is also an overhead call button, that if you misuse, will eject you from the aircraft.
Flight go Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hikari
Girl: It's hard to listen to his lectures, but he has crutches so he's fun to look at.
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Teenager #1: There's no way for Santa to visit all the houses on earth; that's impossible.
Teenager #2: He doesn't have to visit every house, though. Not everybody celebrates Christmas.
Teenager #1: So? That would be like god saying “Muslims can go fuck themselves, I only watch out for Christians.”
Teenager #3: Some people actually do believe that.
Teenager #2: Yeah, I mean, if they don't celebrate Christmas, then…
Teenager #1: You know, at the speed Santa would need to travel to deliver gifts to all those people, his sleigh would literally catch on fire.
Teenager #2: Dude, see, it works like this…
Teenager #1: No, here's how it works: there's no fucking Santa.
Chino, California
Male student: Brokeback Mountain was a good movie. Did you see it?
Female student: No. I heard it was sad. I don't really want to be sad.
Male student: It was pretty sad…but you know, like *good* sad. Like, Titanic sad.
Female student: Yeah?
Male student: Yeah. It basically was Titanic, except instead of a boat, it was a horse.
Female student: Huh. Maybe I *will* see it.
Southern California
Guy: He has the brain of a supermodel.
Chino, California
Ripped gym guy #1: This Jamaican guy showed me an ab exercise yesterday…it will kill you!
Ripped gym guy #2: (stares blankly, no reaction)
Ripped gym guy #1, louder: It will kill you! It will kill! You!!
Gym
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: wow, really?
Male high school student, nonchalantly: I got a new phone; this one can take videos and stuff. It's pretty cool.
School bus driver, in hushed, dramatic tone: Technology is god on earth.
School Bus
Southern California
