Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Tracy

Little girl: I love you, pole.
[She kisses the pole.]
Father: Don’t kiss the pole! Keep it rated G!

Outside a Dim Sum Shop
Alameda, California

Dad: That’s an awfully big brownie. You know it’s so big it’s a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)

Buffalo, New York

Overheard by: Tim

Son to father, exiting hospital: Dad, what's a disability?
Father: It's like when someone loses their finger in an accident, (pause) which will probably happen to you.

Overheard by: Jon

New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!

Department Store

Two-year-old boy, admiring his hands instead of the alligators: Look, Dad — look at my nails!
Grimacing father: Yes, yes… Your mother is to blame for that.

Atlanta Zoo

Costumed dad to little girl: You need to listen. Understand? You will not take your clothes off!

Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration
Los Angeles, California

Man: I just wanted to go to the cafeteria lady and say, ‘My children are not astronauts!’

Ted’s Restaurant

Overheard by: Nic

Four-year-old boy to group of mothers: Guess what!
Group: What?
Four-year-old boy, excited: I just peed standing up!
Boy's father: That's not something we tell people!

Children's Room, Katonah Library
Katonah, New York

Overheard by: amused librarian

Father to young daughter in department store: I'm just going to get her a bottle of wine since I don't know what a coverup is.

Falls Church, Virginia