Dad: Later, we need to find grandma a boyfriend.
Seven-year-old son: Grandma already has a boyfriend, though.
Dad: Really? Who?
Seven-year-old son: She's married to granddad!
Dad: No, no, your other grandma.
Seven-year-old son: Oh yeah, she really needs a boyfriend.


Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.

San Diego, California

Dad, leading three-year-old girl to bathroom: You need to go potty? You can sit on the potty in here.
Three-year-old girl: No, that potty's not for me. That's for mommy. She has a big butt.

Alameda, California

Overheard by: lith

Teenage girl to father: I didn't come out of her vagina, okay? I don't have to respect her.
Father: Well, I guess you don't respect me either, cause you didn't come out of my vagina!

Chesapeake, Virginia

Overheard by: made my day

Heavy guy looking at atlas: What’s a ‘labia’?
Son: One of those Eastern European countries.

Barnes & Noble
Peoria, Illinois

Little boy: Dad, what’s a “brer” rabbit?
Father: A rabbit with a lot of brer in it.

Magic Kingdom
Disney World, Florida

Overheard by: Natalie

Happy dad to little kid: Capital punishment is fun!

Morgantown, West Virginia

Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.


Little girl, after fireworks: Was that magic, Daddy?
Father: There’s no such thing as magic.

Magic Kingdom, Disney World

Overheard by: Emily.

Little boy: Ewww… what's that smell?
Slightly tipsy dad: Prolly barf.
Little boy: Yuck! You're gross!
Slightly tipsy dad: What? It's a twins game. People come to get drunk, then they barf, and you smell it. That's how it goes.

Overheard by: that's not why I go to twins games.