Guy: Where did all the animals go? I don't know, why don't you go ask your microwave!
Art Camp
Tallahassee, Florida
Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
Chick #1: I hate kittens.
Chick #2: Do you hate rainbows too?
Guy: And dreams?
Chick: #3: And butterflies?
San Diego, California
Queer: You should move to Texas. You haven't been there yet.
Chick: Are you kidding? I am in no way hot enough to live in Texas. For one thing, I'd need way bigger boobs.
Queer: Oh, honey. That's what plastic surgery is for!
The Castro
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: lucy
Guy #1 to guy #2 who just stepped onto the elevator: Hey man, did you ever find your glasses?
Guy #2: Yeah, I did. They were at the concierge desk.
Guy #1: What about your pants?
Guy #2: Yeah, they were around my ankles, though I don't really know what happened with that.
Guy #1: I do. You did about 20 shots of rum in 10 minutes.
Guy #2: That doesn't sound right! It wasn't that fast!
Guy #1: Okay, maybe about 15 minutes then.
Guy #2: Yeah, that sounds right. I barely remember the sword.
Elevator
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Holly
Physics teacher, pointing to complex problem on board: So what do you do?
Student in back: Cry.
St. Joseph High School
Michigan
Frat boy to friends: So, I look at him and think, “I'm not such a good friend that I'm gonna help him here.” He was halfway off his air mattress and his tighty whities were soaked with either sweat or urine
Friend #1: I'd have kept away too. I hope it was sweat.
Friend #2: Nah, dude. He's a pisser.
Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jim
Girl #1 (talking about her relationship): Yup, I'm pussy whipped. Or…what's the male equivalent for “pussy whipped”?
Girl #2: Well, there's that Ian Dury song that goes “hit me with your rhythm stick”, so maybe something along those lines.
Sabiá Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Student: Professor, will you be able to answer e-mails while you are away, since our final is in a week?
Uncomfortable Japanese professor with strange British/Japanese accent: No, I will not be able to answer students’ e-mails because most of the time I come home I am drunk.
Students: [Incredulous silence. Laughter.]
Philosophy class
McGill University
Canadia
Overheard by: student who hated this prof until this comment…
Girl sat in pub garden by canal, on date: So what's the difference between canal water and normal water then?
Guy, on date: Well, because canal boats are long and thin, they can't float in normal water. It's a special form of water that sir isaac newton made in the late seventeenth century – h3o. The extra hydrogen is in there because it makes the water more silky, and stops the canal boats from sinking.
Girl on date: Ooooh… I see. That makes sense (pointing at canal) hey look at that duck!
Guy on date: That's not a duck, its a quorn.
Girl: Quorn? Like the food? I thought that was vegetarian?
Guy, totally straight faced: It is vegetarian. The quorn is a vegetarian relation of the quail.
Girl: Ooooh… It's cute!
Rural Pub, Warwickshire, England
Overheard by: Bleep
