Nice Kevlar Shirt, by the Way

Dude: That guy totally has a gun.
Chick (offended): Just because he has sunglasses doesn't mean he has a gun!

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on July 29, 2015
Chicks, Clothes, Colorado, Default, Guys, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Violence

If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?

Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere…
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ… I mean they're shooting loads at each other… Oh god, no…

Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia

Overheard by: amused

Posted on July 29, 2015
Canadia, Default, Education, Movies, Murder, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sex, Students, Teachers, Words

…Before We Said Our Vows

Guy to ex-wife (about drunkenness): Yeah, the best time was at that wedding when you started drinking down those cinnamon things, and flashed that guy.

Oakland, Oregon

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on July 29, 2015
Clothes, Default, Drinking & drunks, Guys, Oregon, Sexuality

Hint, Hint.

Guy #1: Man, it's too early. I'm so tired.
Guy #2: I know, man. I'm so tired that if some dude just came up and raped me I wouldn't care, I'd be like “just hurry up and get it over with!”

West Virginia

Overheard by: Kimber

Posted on July 29, 2015
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… Hanging between His Knees

Sorostitute #1: Oooh, a Southern boy!
Sorostitute #2: Yeah, it’s just something about that Southern genitalia that makes him so sexy. Wait, ‘genitalia’? Is that the right word? Well, you know — that smooth Southern thing.

James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia

Posted on July 29, 2015
Compliments, Creepsters, Default, US Geography, Virginia, Words

I'm Writing You a Prescription for the History Channel

Customer: Excuse me. I just have to know, are you Polynesian?
Worker: No, I'm Native American.
Customer: Oh. Where are they from?

Utah

Posted on July 29, 2015
Customers, Default, Employees, Geography, Questions, Stupidity, US Geography, Utah, Weirdness

As I Proved Conclusively in My Doctoral Thesis

Professor, looking at picture of optical illusion: Here…we have…a bunch of lines.

Northwestern Univeristy
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 28, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Illinois, Sensory experiences, Teachers

When He Was Little, She'd Carry Him in One of Her Haversacks

Sister: Grandma got him a box of latexes!
Dad: Oh, well, I didn't know you and grandma were so…ahem…close.
Brother: Oh! God! No! Stop! My ears!

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Carly

Posted on July 28, 2015
Compare and contrast, Condoms, Dads, Default, Family ties, Siblings, Virginia, Words

Clint Eastwood: “One More Step and I'll Blow You Full Of Carbs, Punk.”

Professor: Paper, noodles, and gunpowder. All Chinese contributions to Western European society. What you need is a paper-noodle-gun. You know, a paper gun that *boom!* shoots noodles at people.
Student: Wet or dry noodles?
Professor: Well, it depends on whether you want to stab them in the eye with spaghetti or just lash them severely.

Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: JQ

Posted on July 28, 2015
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