Uncle, at family dinner: And marianne has a new girlfriend too!
Old grandma, under breath: Omg, please make this one a catholic!

Sydney, Australia

Woman on cellphone: "I don´t want any milk, and wilbur doesn´t want any fucking milk either."

Wellington Streets, New Zealand

Overheard by: Damon Smith

Valedictorian saying her speech: A year has passed… So much has happened. I bet if you gave me a physics test right now on this podium, I would fail.
Drunk graduate in audience: Me too!

Calgary

Overheard by: Krys

Drunk guy: Which animal would you most like to fuck?
Drunk girl: It'd have to be something with a human like vagina… A chimp?
Other drunk guy: Nah. A tiger. People would fucking respect you if you fucked a tiger. You'd come home and be like "hey dudes, what's up? Just fucked a tiger. You watching tv?"

Leamington Spa, England

Overheard by: Bleep

Girl: We've known each other since back when we were both really good people.

No Problemo, New Bedford MA

Overheard by: camille

First scruffy hipster to second and third scruffy hipsters:
"the thing about marijuana is… That it's just so amazing."

Cafe, Occidental Plaza, Pioneer Square, Seattle, WA

Overheard by: curtis martin

Snooty white mom #1 to snooty white mom #2, about toddler: "… And I'd haaaate for her to fall behind in chinese, because chinese is one of her stroooongest subjects."

Woodbury, MN

Overheard by: Mmmm, yeah, your kid's friggin' awesome, now get outta my way

Male student #1: Would you take it up the ass in prison? Cause I would.
Male student #2: What? Dude no. I would def not take it up the butt.
Male student #1: I'd take it. Dude. I'd pick the scariest looking mofo in there and take his d. He'd protect me after that. Keep me from getting shanked from anyone.
Male student #2: Yeah but you'd be getting rammed.
Male student #1: Small prize to pay for not getting shanked.
Male student #2: You've got a point.

University of Rhode Island Campus

Overheard by: Peter

Mom: All I'm saying is you don't have the boobs for that shirt. Your nips are definitely going to show.
Annoyed daughter: Fine, (picking up short shorts) what about these?
Mom: Now you want your ass showing?

Target in LA

20-something girl: I cannot believe that hooker told me that I needed to get my shit together.

New Orleans, LA