Diet & weight

Now If Only I Could Marry Louis Vuitton

Really skinny sorority girl: I paid my rent and then I spent the rest, $700, on this new Louis Vuitton (squeals and hugs the purse). But now I have 30 bucks to last a whole month. Looks like I'll be dating for dinner or eating crackers.
Sorority friend: You spent twice as much on your bag as you did your rent! At least you paid your rent on time! Don't worry, you'll find dates. That purse is totally worth it!
Really skinny sorority girl: I know, right, I should just live in my purse. I think that is why married women get fat: they can finally afford to eat. You know my ass is getting fat when I get married.

IHOP
Dallas, Texas

And Have Liposuction on the Delivery Table

Bimbette on cell: Oh, okay, so she can’t gain any more weight. That should be easy — she’s only at the beginning of the pregnancy. She just has to stop eating.

Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey

It's Like the Miracle Of Hanukah!

Ultra-skinny hipster chick: I've been eating the same quiche for weeks.

Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Koch

We Don’t Overflow with Each Other Anymore

Old lady with husband talking to head usher: We are in Row C, Seats 22 and 23. Ummm… Do you think we could move our seats? It’s just that the lady next to us is rather large, and she is overflowing onto my husband, who is overflowing on to me…

Thousand Islands Play House
Gananoque, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Shmemily

Don’t Worry, Sweetie, You’ll Love the Gym Membership

Wife eating cheeseburger: I know what my New Year’s resolution is going to be…
Distracted husband: To lose weight?
Wife: What? No! Why would you say that?! Do you think I’m getting fat?
Husband: Oh! No, no, no — you’re not fat. You’re perfect! I love you so much just the way you are.
Wife: Whatever. I better be getting a good fucking Christmas present, and you definitely won’t be seeing me naked for a very long time.

Wendy’s
New Hartford, New York

And They Know

Teen girl, incredulously: But you don't call a fattie “fat”!
Teen guy: I know!

Australia

Overheard by: PCGoneWrong

…I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant

Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.

Vancouver
Canadia

Where Canadian Bacon Comes From?

60-something man, watching obese woman board bus, loudly: So fat!
30-something woman, quietly: Yeah, sometimes it might be genetics or something. Not just cured by exercise, you know?
60-something man, loudly: I try to avoid getting too close to people who are that fat. I'm scared they'll just explode and innards will get all over me!
30-something woman: (disgusted look)

London
Canadia

Overheard by: On the bus

My Miracle Diet? A Coat Hanger.

Tween #1: I can’t believe she called you fat!
Tween #2: Well, I am, but it’s because we’re freshman — we haven’t lost our baby fat yet.
Tween #1: Well, that’s true for you. I’m just fat because I’m pregnant.
Tween #2: Yeah, that too.

Arlington High School
LaGrangeville, New York

Overheard by: draz

Because I Buy You Drinks?

Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.

Denver, Colorado

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