Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.

Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!

Dorm Room
Wisconsin

Posted on January 27, 2016
Clothes, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, Wisconsin

I Blame the Curry

Drunk man outside curry restaurant, face down on pavement, screaming: I've shit myself! I've shit myself! I've shit myself!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep

Posted on December 28, 2015
Character, Drunks, England, Poop, Stupidity

But Let’s Test It Empirically to Be Sure?

Drunk coed: Is it possible to drown in a pool when you are drunk? I mean, with all that alcohol wouldn’t you just float to the top?
Friend #1: Um, duh — yeah, you can drown.
Friend #2: You’re probably going to drown.

Frat party
Dallas, Texas

Posted on December 15, 2015
Drunks, Questions, Texas

Look, Baby, I’ll Give You a Half Point Interest Rate Reduction, and That’s My Final Offer

Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!

Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on December 3, 2015
BJs, Bragging, Drunks, Washington, DC

I Traded for the Sweater and Some Magic Beans

Drunk wife, for the seventh time in 10 minutes: I can’t believe someone stole my sweater!
Drunk friend: I had a sweater once…
Drunk husband: Was it a man sweater?!
Drunk wife: Oh my god, I can’t find my phone!
Drunk husband: Maybe it’s with your sweater.
Drunk wife: I don’t know… But I got lots of soap!

Wedding
Melbourne, Florida

Posted on November 12, 2015
Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Florida

Ad: Kathleen Turner Is… Bendy Vadge, P.I.!

Loud, stoned, drunk guy on train: Dude, I totally saw Melissa pee standing up before.
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: That is impossible! Seriously, that doesn't even make any sense! You'd get piss all over your leg!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: No way, I saw her just take one leg out of her pants and prop it up against a tree, and it just shot down! She didn't get any anywhere!
Loud, stoned, drunk girl: Do you even understand female anatomy?! It doesn't work the same way as you! We can't do that! Melissa didn't do that!
Loud, stoned, drunk guy: Dude, if you can't pee standing up, then you've just got a bendy vag.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Wizzbiff

Posted on October 3, 2015
Body parts, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Illinois, Pee, Stoners, Train, Vagina

How Jessie Got Us Arrested

[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!

Madison, Wisconsin

Posted on September 22, 2015
Age and ageing, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Cops, Crimes, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Friends, Relationships, Sexuality, Sorority types, Weirdness, Wisconsin

He Fucks an American for Breakfast, an American for Lunch, and Has a Sensible Dinner?

Very drunk 20-something in kebab shop: I'll have… a large chips… with ketchup… and mayonnaise. (pause) A quarter pounder cheese and bacon burger with extra cheese and bacon. Two pieces of fried chicken… with chili sauce… and a ten-inch pepperoni pizza.
Sober friend #1: Fucking hell, mate, that's a lot of food…
Sober friend #2: Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?
Kebab shop guy, in heavy Cypriot accent: Yeah! He's on a fucking American diet!

Leamington Spa
England

Overheard by: Bleep