Daughter: Come look at this booth, mom!
Mom: Just a second.
Daughter: Please, mom!
Mom: Ugh, I have like five things to keep track of, one of which is your two siblings.

Earth Day Celebration
Gresham, Oregon

Five-year-old to grandma: You’re just jealous cuz you don’t like monkeys.


Overheard by: JH

Old lady speaking to granddaughter: What exactly is a handjob?


Overheard by: your how old and you don’t know what?

Lady, looking out the window at Mini Cooper: But it's no good for me–it doesn't have any backdoors for the grandkids!
Son-in-law: But that's great! Then they can't get out!


Overheard by: Cassie Barlow

(girl is trying on a wedding gown with a huge train. Grandmother and mom are fanning the train out around her)
Grandma: Okay, we're going to be the fluffers.
Mom: Yes we are.

Nashville, Tennessee

Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?


Woman to husband: Honey, do you think this would be a good fall coat for me?
Five-year-old daughter: It looks like an old-fashioned coat.
Woman: I knew you were gonna say that!
Five-year-old: A young lady like you shouldn't wear such an old-fashioned coat!

Allen Park, Michigan

Grandma, after car cuts bus off: Bitchassfaggot.
Daughter: Mom!
Grandma: Well, that's what they are!

Public Transit
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.

Dutchess County, New York

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.

Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler