We Should Interview Her for That Vacancy in the Ugly Friend Department

Teen girl #1: Hey, you know the chubby girl in chorus, right?
Teen girl #2: Elizabeth?
Teen girl #1: No, I’m talking about the whale.
(teen girl #1 makes elephant noises)
Teen girl #2: The one that laughs like a jackal?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, her!
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, I love her.
Teen girl #1: Me too! She’s great…

Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Drama Eavesdropper

Posted on June 27, 2015
Default, Feelings, Florida, Friends, Girls, Insults, Questions

Joking in Florida Is Always Risky

Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)

Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Stole something instead

Posted on June 17, 2015
Default, Employees, Florida, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Shopping, Stores, Weirdness

Just Call Me Tweedle Diva

Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)

Bus
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves

Posted on June 14, 2015
Black people, Body parts, Bragging, Comebacks, Florida, Gays

Yeah, and I’m Not Sure He Has an Exit Strategy

Little girl: Where’s Ben*?
Father: He’s in heaven, honey.
Little girl: Still?!

Preschool
Fort Lauderdale, FL

Posted on June 7, 2015
Dads, Death & dying, Euphemisms, Feelings, Florida, Girls, Kids, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High]

This Class Provides a Counterexample

Professor: So, the creation of Stonehenge is a good example of how a bunch of people can do something.

Palm Bay, Florida

Posted on June 6, 2015
Education, Florida, Teachers

This Quote Is Better Birth Control Than a Condom

Scruffy ponytail dude on cell: Is the dog oozing or pulsing? Tell your brother to stop squeezing the guinea pig, I can hear it squealing! (pause) Yes I can! Yes I can, Ruth*! (pause) Oh, sorry, I guess grandma sneezing does sound like the guinea pig… Just wrap the dog in a towel and I'll be home in an hour.

Tampa, Florida

Posted on June 3, 2015
Animals, Florida, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Weirdness

“Adultland” Was the Most Lucrative Disney Attraction in Half a Century

Dad to son in stroller: Here's where we saw the sexy tree!

Disney World Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida

Posted on June 3, 2015
Dads, Default, Florida, Memory lane, Tourist attractions, Words

It’s Risky Even Sharing a Soda with Her

Redhead: So, Kelly* has a new boyfriend.
Guy friend: I hope he’s not allergic to penicillin!
Redhead: Ouch! Me, too!

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: jessi

Posted on June 2, 2015
Florida, Friends, Gossip, STDs

Eerily, He Did

Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad, changing his diaper: I hear ya.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: Uh huh.
Tourist baby: Bah bah bah bah!
Tourist dad: I told you not to mess with those guys.
(tourist baby laughs)
Tourist dad: Yeah, you know what I'm talking about!

Restroom, Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: The Normie in the Handistall

Posted on June 1, 2015
Dads, Default, Family ties, Florida, Happiness, Health & Hygiene, Kids, Tourist attractions

She’s Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed

Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.

Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida

Posted on December 6, 2014
Bus, Compare and contrast, Creepsters, Default, Florida, Girls, Sensory experiences