Man #1, after hurricane: I'm trying to decide if I should hook up my freezer to the generator or wait a while longer.
Man #2: Well, squeeze your meat, and see if it's hard.
Houston, Texas
Loud drunk man at bar to attractive woman leaving restaurant: Can I take you out to McDonald's sometime?
Woman: No, I'm married. Thanks for the offer, though.
Drunk man: Married? Well, shoot! Where's your husband at then?
Woman: He's working.
Drunk man: Working? Well, hell! I work sometimes too!
Applebee's
Beaufort, South Carolina
Woman on phone: Girl, I just ate a fat-ass quesadilla, and now I feel fat as fuck.
San Francisco, California
Twin guy #1: This pillow smells like my dreams!
Girl, smelling pillow: Beef Ramen noodles?
Twin guy #1: I am awesome at dreaming!
Twin guy #2: This is why I hate that we have the same face.
Milford Mall
Milford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Layla
Tenor-voiced guy on cell: So I hung out at the pie shop after that for about half an hour. And I stole a quiche. Yeah, I totally stole it. And a croissant. Just walked up to the counter and bagged them for myself and walked out. It's my reckless streak.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Felicity Thistle
Mother to eldest daughter: You can come have sushi with us for lunch on Sunday, but only if you go to mass with us too.
Eldest daughter: I don't think Jesus would approve.
Mother: It's fine. Jesus loved sushi.
Yorktown Heights, New York
Overheard by: Monty
Girl hottie: Do they give out medals for chronic female masturbators? Because if so… (points to self with thumbs) Super star. I'm talking gold medal, national treasure.
Guy hottie: You're not deterring me! We're getting turkey bacon!
Wegmans
New York
Overheard by: Bronze Medalist
Guy: Man, there's too much ketchup on my plate, it looks like my fries committed suicide.
Girl: I often think about that before I stick you in my mouth, too.
Guy: Fuck off , Andrea.
Northern Alabama
Man: What do you want for Christmas?
Chubby boy: Meatloaf.
Brownstone Diner
Jersey City, New Jersey
