Food

Girl on cell: I was about to go home, so I told Bob* to get the cheese because I'd brought it over so George* coud make a cheesy bagel, right? So Bob* brings me the cheese but then he starts massaging my back, and I fall asleep with the cheese. I wake up like a half hour later and he's doing it to me, so I grab the cheese, say goodnight, and leave. And after that, whenever I saw someone eat a piece of that cheese I felt sooo weird. But now it's all eaten, the evidence is gone, and what that cheese witnessed will never be revealed.

Outside Westfield Mall
San Diego, California

Man: There's Tucson for you, turning a great burger joint into a craphole.
Child: Yeah, I bet if you touched anyone in this restaurant, they would be sticky.

Tucson Arizona

Overheard by: Casey Stendahl

Agriculture student #1: So she starts screaming and I just knew, so I said, “did you search for “hot dog” without using the safety search?”
Agriculture student #2: Oh, no, hot dog without a fig leaf?
Agriculture student #1: Yeah! And you know how she is, so she starts screaming and freaking out. But it wasn't even a human, it was a dog…

University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida

60-something tourist holding map, looking bewildered: So why is it called lemon chicken anyway?

Canberra
Australia

Guy: What are you all doing?
Teen girl #1, waving taco: We're having a taco party.
Teen girl #2: Taco party!
Guy: Awesome! Keep on keeping on!

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: I want a Taco Party

Drunk girl: I love the boners that sound like sandwiches! Boner on wheat, boner on rye… That's pretty much it.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Teen girl, holding candy bar: Why does it have to be so big? I can't take all this. (pause) That's what I said!

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: I love the smell of hatred in the morning.
Confused girl sitting next to him: Is it anything like coffee?
Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: What? No, it's nothing like coffee. God, you're so stupid.

College Dining Hall
Albuquerque, New Mexico

Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.

Trailer Park
Central Texas

Overheard by: HaleyJ

Obese teenager to mom: I wish I had an ice cream maker built into my steering wheel.
Mother: Stop.

Mobile, Alabama