Um, I'm from Kansas

Professor: So how many inches do you think are in a foot?
Student: Oh I'd say about 100.
Professor (speaking to class): I love picking on the foreign kids on the first day of class.

Normal, Illinois

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on December 3, 2008
Default, Education, Illinois, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers, Weirdness

But Leave Out the Part Where He Blew and Said “Haha, Fooled Ya!”

Gay man: So, did you end up fucking that guy from eHarmony?
Blondie: Sort of. When I was blowing him he told me to stop and I said, “No way, I'm just getting started!” And then he said, “Seriously, stop, I don't want to blow in your face.”
Gay man: That's like true love. You should use that story for your eHarmony commercial.

Central Illinois

Posted on November 9, 2008
BJs, Default, Feelings, Girls, Illinois, Internet, Queers, Questions, Sex

In the Beverage Museum Hospitality Room

Guy #1: That Coke you're drinking is about three years old.
Guy #2: (spits out soda)
Guy #1: And that beer's at least eight years old.
Guy #2: What are you running here? A beverage museum?

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on October 31, 2008
Default, Drinking & drunks, Guys, Illinois, Questions, Time Management, Weirdness

It's Supposed to Go in?

Teen girl #1: What do you use vaseline for in sex, anyway?
Teen girl #2: So he can slide it in, you stupid fuck!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: LOL

Posted on October 30, 2008
Default, Girls, Illinois, Questions, Sex, Stupidity, Teens

Some Sorority Initiation Names Are Nicer Than Others

Bible thumper pointing at chick: You're the master baiter!

University Quad
Illinois State

Overheard by: a fellow masterbater

Posted on October 8, 2008
Colleges & Universities, Default, Illinois, Names, Religion, Religious fanatics, Weirdness

It Was Magical Meeting You in the Bar Last Night, by the Way

Woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I ate an entire bag of salad last night for dinner. Um…it was like three servings. Okay, call me later.

Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Patrick

Posted on October 3, 2008
Default, Food, Illinois, On the phone, Train, Weirdness, Women

Take That Little Hat Off It, Timmy

Two-year-old: Daddy, do I have a penis?
Father: Yes, you do.
Two-year-old: Ha ha! Silly penis.

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on September 26, 2008
Dads, Default, Guys, Illinois, Insults, Kids, Penis, Questions

Couple More Explosions Would've Done It for Me

Woman in her fifties, walking out of Brideshead Revisited: It was okay.
Husband: Yeah.
Woman: It's no Wall-E, but it was okay.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Evy

Posted on September 22, 2008
Books, Compare and contrast, Default, Hubbies, Illinois, Movies, Women

If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show

60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying “Easter”?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying “ass”! For saying “ass” on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?

Grandma's house
Illinois

Posted on September 22, 2008
Christianity, Default, Hair, Holidays, Illinois, Insults, Moms, Old folks, Questions, Women, Words