The Kid Used to Yell “Boink Me, Daddy!”

Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!

Airport
Phoenix, Arizona

Posted on April 18, 2021
Airports & flights, Arizona, Dads, Default, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Lies, Offers and requests

And Put Some Underpants on, Wouldya?

Santa: Remember, you have to be very good so I can bring you lots of presents.
Little girl: I have been! I have been!
Santa: I came by your house the other day. Did you know that?
Little girl: Really?! Wow!
Santa: I looked in your window, and I saw lots of messy toys on your floor. And clothes.
Little girl, crying: I was just going to get a glass of water and then go back to clean them up, I promise!
Santa: Whatever.

Park Plaza Mall
Little Rock, Arkansas

Posted on January 17, 2021
Arkansas, Kids, Lies

With As Few Lasting Emotional Scars As Possible

Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.
Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can’t get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.
Cashier: Um, have a magical day.

Disney World
Florida

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on October 22, 2020
Florida, Lies, Moms

Wait– What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?

Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan

Overheard by: Scott

Posted on March 29, 2020
Default, Family ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Kids, Lies, Michigan, Moms, Poop, Questions, Restaurants, Sensory experiences, Siblings

You Must Be Gay, Then

Boy: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cute, chubby girl, with suspicion: No…
Boy: Can I get your number?
Girl: No.
Boy: Why?
Girl: I'm gay.
Boy: Oh… Really?
Girl: No. Sorry. Creeper reflex.
Boy: So you wanna go out?
Girl: No.

Starbucks
Manhattan, New York

Posted on February 13, 2020
Bars & Clubs, Bonding, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Lies, New York, Offers and requests, Questions, Sexuality

That’s the Nature of the Therapeutic Relationship

Woman: Well, yes, of course I’m making it all up. But you know it’s true.
Friend: Oh, yes!

Auckland
New Zealand

Overheard by: Ross

Posted on January 18, 2020
Ladies who lunch, Lies, New Zealand

Now, Here Are the Answers for Tomorrow’s Ethics Test

Person #1: But isn’t that lying?
Person #2: Don’t worry about it, it’s only for your security clearance.

http://www.overheardquote.com/?p=47

Posted on October 10, 2019
Coworkers, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Overheard Quote

Like a University Professor Ever Has to Pay for It

Statistics professor: So let's say we ask a random question, such as “have you had unprotected sex with a prostitute in the last week?”.
(class laughs)
Statistics professor: Most people would answer “no.” Including myself. I'll leave it up to you to decide if that's the truth or not.

University of Guelph
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Danielle