Emo boy: Matt! Tell her how you fucked up your face!
Matt: I was rubbing one out in the shower and when I came, my knees gave out and I hit my head on the faucet.
Emo girl (gasping and laughing hysterically): That is best thing I have ever heard!
Starbucks
New Mexico
Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: red
Woman to man: I mean, you could have masturbated with one arm, come on.
UMass
Massachusetts
Porn-'stached scuzzball: I mean, if you ever, like, masturbated, you'd know that smell.
Robinson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And I Go To College With You??
Biology professor: And don't play frisbee with a beluga whale. They've been known to masturbate with them.
University of Mississippi
(in a philosophy class, the subject of “lovemaking vs. fucking” is being discussed)
Angry feminist student: Guys have it so easy! You can go out and fuck any girl you want and no one thinks any worse of you, but if a girl sleeps around she's a slut! Hell, if you somehow don't manage to nail the girl, you can just go home and masturbate. Girl's can't do that!
Female student who hadn't spoken a word all class: Pff, yes we can!
Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: A guy in the same class
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Professor: So, to calculate the unemployment rate, we whack off…
Intro to Macroeconomics Class
USC, California
Italian guy with ridiculous Bronx accent: Yeah, so I jerked the guy off…accidentally.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
Teacher: You know, when I was your age we didn't have classes like this. If you wanted to learn about personal finance, you got a job. If you wanted to learn about sex, you went to the bathroom.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
