Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.
Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey
Overheard by: stunned organist
Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.
Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey
Overheard by: stunned organist
Girl standing at the bar: I train armadillos to race horses around banks.
Killarney's
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: I wish I had heard the beginning of that conversation…
Psychology professor, discussing babies: If this thing didn't smile, it would be in the trash.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Girl: But I’m graduating soon, so I don’t need spoons anymore!
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as “frozen” as it's gonna get, well, not really because…
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!
Target
New Jersey
Overheard by: Jo
WASP mom to her two pre-teen kids: Your father got fucked in the ass.
Micawber Books
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Girl #1: I thought you were clumsy because you had fallen in love.
Girl #2: I was clumsy because somebody pushed me.
New Jersey
English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass…
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh…yeah.
St. Joesph High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Davel
